Part 5 Praying and Listening…

We started praying for Gods leading of whether or not we should stay here to live or move once more. We had both grown spiritually these past 3 years and we learned a lot about life. We also effected many lives. DH’s family all moved down here due to the cost of living as well as a couple coworkers my Dh had up North. It was defiantly Gods plan for us to move down here but now what?

As we were praying..I started reconnecting and talking more frequently with my  best friend from back home that moved a month before we did. Her family moved to Pennsylvania .

Soon after this, Pennsilvania just started popping up, in dreams,on the news,in programs etc…not once, twice, or even three times,many times. Destiny? Fate? IDK!

We automatically thought it was ALL from God.  BUT, what if it was from a spirit of confusion we thought to ourselves?  So we planned a trip up there to visit. During our trip there… back in Janruary, my husband dreaded the whole 3 days. He was misrable with a capital M!!

He told me over and over again that there is no peace for our family up there…I begged him to explain further..Yes, I’m human, I wanted to know these things, in detail too!

I also just wanted to get as far as away from the South as I possible could, and while PA. was not my blessed New England..it sure was closer then NC ever will be!   I also was wrapped up in the fact that PA. kept popping up and wanted to believe it was Gods will for me to live there.

I was in denial. Plain and Simple!  I see this crystal clear now..I felt the Lord speaking to me in so many ways but selfishly ignored what I was hearing. I had so much energy and time invested in being miserable that I actually convinced myself that my kids were also not happy here. Secretly, I think they were not happy because they saw through my smile each day and knew I was not happy. *G*

My heart has changed about so many things that I feel liberated. Something I am not sure that I have ever felt before. As for today, I feel carefree!

I felt hopeful that we were going to move to Pennsylvania right up until the 29th of June and here it is only July 10th today. I was still planning in my head the move as if it were a done deal. Sure I missed the comforts of my own home …We had just looked at a house on the 28th and I was already telling my Dh what color carpets we should get for the living room! OH MAN! Isn’t it amazing the power the Lord has on us!

We were suppose to stay until July 5th. But I kept  hearing the Lord clearly whisper to me..Go home… I admit, I said..Home Lord? Where is that? I don’t have a home yet?

The Lord said, “Yes you do..in NORTH CAROLINA!!

Will this feeling last forever? I have no idea…

It brings tears to my eyes to have this magnificent peace in my life at the moment.

 Praise the Lord! I have repented for my selfishness and stubbornness and pray that I will no longer ignore Gods  tender loving  merciful voice.

I can see now that when the Lord speaks to me, it is not going to be through a materialistic intervention.  It is going to be threw his son…. Jesus Christ!!!!

Do you hear him? Are you Listening?  I sure hope so…

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Part 4 or 5 –Southern Living

When we finally got in to look at our current home…we loved the open floor plan. It had a bonus room in the back that was not mentioned online and I thought it would be a great place for mom to live. The only thing was it did not have a closet. It only a built in book case. Later I ended up going to Home Depot and bought her  one that I put together in 30 minuets flat. I am not so sure mom liked it, in fact she expressed that she didn’t but we couldn’t afford a wooden one and with the low  ceilings it probably wouldn’t have fit anyways. Her cats loved sleeping in it though and that was the most important thing!

 

The extra room didn’t have any doors but there was a man at the church we were attending at the time offered to charge us for materials and put some French doors up for a bit over a hundred dollars.

 

Given I had never lived in a double wide.. I had no idea that the walls are not solid concrete and that the laminate floors were not real wood. I was clueless on so many levels.:o/

 

I did not like the small closets because we had large ones back home, but it was a small price to pay for all the extras that we would have.

 

We did not even sleep on it..We made an offer and then the agent told us he was sure that we would get it because no one ever moves to this area and the place had been on the market for 2 years already. The owner had moved out of state  back then. He said that if we offered 10 grand less then the asking price..he felt we would get it.

 

The offer was accepted and we got it and moved in September of 2005. The problem was we had already paid a 6 month lease on the apartment that we were in and prayed that we would get the funds back. They told us that they needed to keep one month but would refund us the other 2 months. It took a few months but we did end up getting it back..PRAISE GOD!

 

In October, DH drove down to Florida and got a U-haul to pull back for all moms stuff and she moved in with us for 3 months. She hated it here. She felt isolated and in her line of work they only pay $2.10 an hour. There was also no state assistance for her. Her job had no benefits and making such little money there was no way she would be able to afford insurance on her own. She was already diabetic and had high blood pressure so needed meds sooner rather then later. Evidently in the state of North Carolina you had to have a disability, not speak the language, or be over 62 to qualify for state help.

 

My MIL had no problems moving here and qualifying because she does not speak the language. This really irritated my mom, so along with much drama….she moved back to Florida the week after Christmas that very same year.

 

Months passed, and I made her room into the school room but since then made it into a nursery, and the school room is back where it started. Things did start getting to me about living here in the country. For one..no one comes to visit and back home in the subdivision that we lived, the majority of the neighbors were my church friends and it was really easy for them to swing by for coffee or tea. I  also use to throw dinner parties all the time and down here I only heard the reply..(If you were closer dear….I’d be there.) That along with not finding a church where when you walk in the door it says “YOUR HOME” became very depressing for me. I really began to sink deep in a depression, and  then I found out I was pregnant again. This time with number five and it cheered me right up!! For a while anyway.

I started longing for my DH to say to me..Pack up..we are moving home..

 

Instead….DH would spend time outside on the deck, in what I witnessed as pure awwwwe. He loved it here and made sure I knew it each and every day. He would carry on about how great his job is and how much he loved the drive home from work, even though is it a good 35 minutes.

 

I  started verbalizing how unhappy I was down here, and my sour expression each day sure was a clue.

 

I started breaking down in tears almost nightly and telling DH that I need Jesus to rapture me up soon, because I’d rather be in heaven then live this misery of a life.

 

I felt I was just going through the motions of life, and I wasn’t finding any joy in anything I did. I abandoned all my hobbies and really felt like a sinking ship!