Friendships–Are they worth it?

Renew the spirit of your mind (Eph 4:23)
~Once you began removing the stones from the fortress of your mind–change will abound.~<3

I’ve been spending lots of time reading. A friend recommended 3 books to me. I have many people recommend books to me, sometimes I will look for them, but I’ll be honest, most times I say to myself..I have enough books on my nightstand!
This time it was different.

When you have someone recommend a book to you, then several weeks/months later you have another friend recommend that same book….you start to wonder..
This is what happened- Four years ago I had a friend ask me if I’ve ever read a particular book, then a year ago had another friend, who out of the blue, mentioned that same book…She said she’s never read it, but felt like I should. I thought that was a really odd statement..:o/
A few weeks ago I was going through some issues and had ANOTHER friend recommend that same book. So I ordered the book! Didn’t tell anyone about it,started reading it, then had the first friend mention it to me again…4 years later!
Not novels. Stuff on the spiritual nature, which has really impacted my life.
For the first time ever I’m finding myself pleading for discernment in regards to my relationships with other people.
In the past I’ve always taken people at face value. I pretty much just go with the flow…
Which means, I can easily adapt myself to how each person is, without getting offended.
For example: I don’t cuss, yet most my friends do. The ones that know I don’t cuss, generally will not cuss in front of me.
However, do  I really want them not cussing for my benefit?
If I had my kids around at the time, then Yes, Please do not cuss in front of little ones, but I’m an adult and don’t want people, let alone friends, walking on eggshells in front of me.
Just as much as I want to be able to be myself with my friends, I want it to go both ways.
This prompted me to cuss in front of certain friends a while back (the ones that never heard me swear in front of them?) I guess by me coming over to them, in like manner, it made them feel more comfortable around me. I found that interesting!

Throughout my Christian life (which just marked 15 years this past month. <3) –I have been rather dogmatic. People and certain groups have seen me as prudish in my ways and not very much fun. I’ve even had people tell me that they wanted to befriend me in the past, yet were afraid. *sigh* They were afraid that I would be judging them..and several years ago, they would have been right. It has taken lots of heartache to reach a balance.  A balance of of who I am and who everyone expects me to be.

It never bothered me in the past, having come out of a religious bondage experience several years ago, THAT in itself was eye-opening.
I feel like with my Type A personality I invite chaos into my life sometimes, then just grin and bare it when the walls come crashing down.
I’m then able to generally take it to the cross and instantly gain peace once more.
I’ve always liked that gift. I call it a gift because I have friends who ask me why I never seem upset for more then a day or two. Why do I forgive easily and move on?
Isn’t that a gift?
I don’t know for sure, but in my mind I’ve already labeled it a gift.
That shared, I’m now reevaluating my mind. Let me rephrase that–through ongoing prayer, The LORD is renewing my mind.(Eph 4:23)

In this latest book I just finished. It told a story of a man who felt over taken by a group of people in his circle of friends. He went on to say…“Why should I pray for these people lord? Why suffer so much for them, when on any given day I don’t know who will be turned against me?” And I’ve done only good to them.
He said his mind became a quagmire of discouraging thoughts.
I had to reread his words several times before stopping and realizing.. that I AM IN THE SAME BOAT! I just have been ignoring it. Of course it doesn’t help matters when people keep whispering it’s gonna happen..*sigh*
Currently I live my life not doing anything, without first knowing what the outcome would be.
Not exactly a risk taker or gambler, even though I have been told otherwise…It’s simply not true. I live my life, and act according to my instincts.

I like to know what happens next, which is why I fall under that morbid group of individuals that read the last few pages of a book FIRST, just in case I die before finishing the book. Silly, I know. I’ve been doing that since I was 12 though.
Getting back to spending time on others….

Now what? Is this suddenly all some major burden to me?
Not really…As I believe the Lord softens peoples hearts for certain people throughout their life-path.
If we find we can help them, fine! If we can not help them, then we are called to take it to the cross and pray for them. THIS has been VERY hard for me to do.
I feel so helpless most of the time, yet I’m constantly reminded that Gods word does not come back void.
It’s so easy to know this, yet I’m so weak  applying it to my life.
~feeling short and weak has never been my strong-suit.
I look around at friends who seem to have the world at their beckon call. They are active in their church. Great mothers, great wives, great friends. They have the whole white picket fence…They seem to be so busy, yet still have time to spare.:o/
I can’t help but feel a little jealous.
It makes you start questioning what you are overlooking, or doing wrong with your life?
I’m quickly reminded that God is not the author of confusion, so I stomp those thoughts… as Satan’s trying to bring me down..Lift myself back up again, only to have people constantly pull me in a thousand different directions.

Conclusion: We can not be successful in  the heavenly war if we are not victorious in the battlefield of our minds.
What’s left?
~Love~..Love is always left, yet L.O.V.E = T.I.M.E
I’ve said it a million times..But the questions remain..
1.What happens when the clock stops ticking?
2.How much is time? :o/


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