It has been a while, but today was one of those days that I’ve been yearning for something more…
I was having a conversation with my daughters, and one asked me if I would still want to move out of NC some day. She told me that she would like to live either in New Mexico, or Oregon. I told her that I would still move back to New England, if given the chance. She reminded me how miserable I have been with all the snow and cold weather down here, but I told her I would trade that discomfort for the people back.
After nine years of my mind playing tricks on me… trying to convince myself that I am happy down here…I am still yearning for MORE.
People keep telling me that your family makes a home….Yet, as I am growing older I’m realizing that ‘friends’ also play a key role in life.
I hear people say… as long as they have their family, it’s all good. That they don’t need anyone else. And I have tried to adapt to this philosophy time and time again…but…
I was watching ‘The Today Show’ and I think it triggered something.
One of the news ladies was saying that she just got back from a trip up North, and gosh-darn those Yankees! THEY really ‘tell it like it is!’
And that got me thinking…THEY DO! And I miss that so much!
Even though Southerners claim that THAT is so rude…I find it more rude, and more of a ‘slap in the face’ always having to second guess my ‘so called friends’ down here.
I NEVER…let me say it once more N.E.V.E.R once ever had to second guess who my friends were back home.
I never thought for one minute whether they were just ‘pretending’ because they didn’t want to seem rude…We laughed, we prayed, we hung out, and we broke bread together. We shared our lives with one another..We were involved in each others life. We knew that we had each other backs, and we always stood up for one another. We embraced life.. TOGETHER!
YET, we still had our own families…
We actually were able to multi-task enough to maintain both. Who would have thought..THAT is possible!
You can have a job, go to church, have a family..And YES! You could actually have REAL live friends in the mix!!
This all has got me thinking about my current friends down here..
I don’t have many….but when I think of each one of them..I can not confidently say that they would not gossip behind my back, or worst, stab me in it! *sigh*
I was talking to my daughters about friendships for three hours today..I told them how hard it is for me. That just because I am older.. it does not change the fact that I get hurt…A LOT! *sigh*
I give so much of myself.
So much in fact, that my own needs always seem to take the back seat.
I know that we are suppose to give and ask nothing in return..but as I am getting older I feel as if I have been cheated. I have always taught my kids to treat others the way that you would like to be treated..and as corny as it sounds..I am a damn good friend! Where are the other people like me? ALL UP NORTH??
DH says it is because my friends are too young for me… and very immature. They are still in that ‘selfish stage’ And may be he is right? In fact, I k ow he is.
Up North I had four close girlfriends. They all had ten years on me.
Down here, I am ten years older then most of my friends. And the couple that are my age and older, are just self absorbed with their own lives, and only contact me when they need help with something…knowing I am the one that never says no.
I am in a transitional period I think…?
I know that you can ‘outgrow’ friendships..And I have outgrown friendships myself..
Mainly because I stopped a certain hobby, or changed my beliefs about something, and the friendship that once had a common core–just sort of dissoved. I fine with this.
But today I am questioning if the people who I call my friends, were ever really my friends at all? I read a meme on Pintrest earlier that said, “Isn’t it ironic that the people that hurt you the most in life are your friends, not your enemies.
And while I have never known myself to have an actual enemy…I am slowly wondering if some of my friends are in fact, my fenemies..
In the past couple years I have had two different friends tell me this:
1.(I find it better to keep my friends close, but my enemies closer)
And to top that….
2.(I play the game so well, even you would not know if I was your friend or your enemy)
Can you even top that? WTH?
Placing those nasty comments aside, I have never heard the phrase’ I am just busy’ more times then I have down here….
It would be better for someone to tell you that they don’t feel like the friendship is going anywhere. And be done with it…then to keep telling you months on end that they are too busy, but we will get together soon…blah, blah, blah.
I have a very full family, YET I have ALWAYS made time for things that are important to me. Where there’s a will, there’s a way…whether it is a note, card,phone call, text, whatever!? In todays electronic world there are so many ways to communicatate to someone that you are thinking of them…
I have friends who will only contact me to ask me a question about something they know that I am knowledgeable on…. then aruptly tell me THANKS–along with “Missi, You are such a good friend!”
It makes me want to say back…
“It’s a shame YOU ARE NOT!”
I’m also sick of is when you are doing the same thing with a friend….volunteering at the same organization, or active in the same ministry… THESE people will be your best friends!
BUT as soon as you take a break, or pursue other doors that have opened in your life..You get the cold shoulder!?
They simply write you off completly. Za-ta! Ziltch! They never knew you.
There seems to be very little genuineness left in this world. Or at least in the small corner which I am imprisoned….
I know this happens to everyone at some time or another..and I know a lot of people who have been hurt so much in their lives, who now have chosen a life of confinement… Because of the pain..
As hurtful as it may be..I know what needs to be done. If nothing more, then for my own peace of mind.
And in the meantime I’m going to be praying for friends who are encourager’s, and uplifting to me… Friends that will contact me even if they don’t need something from me.
Friends that will check up on me the way that I do to them..
And perhaps I do need ‘older friends’
With age, comes a sense of maturity….
Maturity forms a sense or genuineness..
And time will always = LOVE.