Time Line to aging, adulting, growing up, and feeling older:
Twenty’s and thirties, feel pretty similar. At least that did for me.
I was still working out almost every day and feeling very good. Physically and mentally.
For reference, I am currently 47.
I don’t hide my age. And I don’t mind when I am asked how old I am.
I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism shortly after my 38th Birthday. My mom has it, her mom had it, both my aunts have it, and both of my female cousins have it.
So I suppose it was inevitable.
When I turned 40, I still felt great.
When I turned 43 I felt like something was happening to my mind as well as my body.
I felt all sorts of weird, and not like myself. I thought I was going into menopause, but my doctor checked and I was not. I’m not sure what was happening.
I was tired more, and I started gaining weight, even though my diet had not changed. I felt overwhelmed and frustrated on the daily.
By 44, I was diagnosed with osteoporosis and Fibromyalgia. Also things the ladies in my family have. (Why DNA? WHY?)
Working out on machines became a thing of the past and I switched to swimming. And even then, it felt like a major chore.
By 45, I felt horrible!
No one knew though.
Nothing ages a person more, then a complainer.
I remember my mom telling me that she would rather not have any female friends at all, then a group of complainers.
Ironically, I find her to be the biggest complainer I know.
When you age, your friend’s complaints start with Complaints about their partners, then your unruly kids, then your boss, then about their other friends, and ends with complaints about your current health, or lack of. Basically, who has more body aches and pains.
Due to this, mom made her best friend a male, not a lady friend.
I guess we all need to vent sometimes. I know in my younger days I’ve over shared. But as I’ve aged, I am mindful of the spirit of complaining and feel as I have a good balance.
Moving along…
By age 44/45 I did not like the way I felt whatsoever, and I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I just didn’t know how about changing the way I was feeling about myself..
I grew up with my mom telling me that I was too vain, because I liked to pamper myself. And then my father always told me that women should all take care of themselves.
My dad told me once, that he wouldn’t date a woman who didn’t take care of her hands.
And that proper grooming was the most important thing for a woman.
I remember visiting an old-timey Baptist church many years ago where the preacher, who was preaching on Mother’s Day to the ladies had something interesting to say.
He said that women must not forget to paint the barn once it began to chip, and for ladies to always remember that if the barn needs painting, then by all means, paint it!
It reminded me of my father.
I remember applying lipstick in the passenger’s seat of my mother’s car and brushing my hair. My annoyed by this and telling me that I am so vain and that I put too much emphasis on my looks.
That made me question myself.
Why was I putting lipstick on and brushing my hair?
I am not vain. I just love being a woman and primping is fun for me.
Even if I was the last person on earth, I’d still be applying lipstick every day and messing with my hair.
It is not about vanity and trying to look younger. It’s because it is FUN for me!
It makes ME smile and I will not be shamed for doing something that I love.
My oldest sometimes asks me why I put perfume and lipstick on when I’m not planning on leaving the house..
Again, because I like to smell it on me.
I like feeling like a women. I’m a feeling type of person, and some days I get a lot more accomplished looking a certain way.
Okay, enough of me explaining all of that.
I was diagnosed with OCD and ADHD when I was 19, but I was never on any meds for it. (My choice)
By 45, I decided to get tested again.
Both tested positive and I decided to try meds to see how ”the other half lived”
Granted, These meds come with some side effects. But I try to tell myself that the pros outweigh the cons.
I miss working out so bad, but I still have no energy to work-out and work.
I work from home, but pretty much around the clock.
I asked my doctor last month how, and why I see other women my age doing it all, so effortlessly.
He laughed at me and said they are miserable and at least I’m still a happy person.
I then asked him his age.
He has a couple years on me.
I asked him how he has the energy to work 12 hour days, be on-call, work out, and stay so thin.
Yes, I got all up in his business because I wanted to know.
He told me off the record, he’s dead tired most days..Thin because there is no time to eat. And he doesn’t work out much at all.
He said that his alarm goes off at the crack of dawn, and then he grabs his phone and starts comparing his life to all his doctor friends on Instagram who seem to be taking one cruise after the next.
Living the American dream.
I was shocked!
He then told me that I should be very pleased with myself not falling prey to Instagram.
I’ve never had a Instagram account.
Shocking, I know. And I’ve been off Facebook for almost five years now.
Of course, I know my business would grow if I used social media. But I just don’t have time to maintain social media for work.
Sometimes I ask myself to define happiness at my age.
But I can’t. Not really.
I’m not the type of person to hold a grudge, and I do find the joy on a cloudy day.
I can’t not smile.
My life has gotten a lot easier since I’ve been working, but also harder because it takes my time away from me. In return, I’ve been able to do more things and have more life experiences. We all have.
Of course there is no time for hobbies anymore. I’m hoping someday there will be.
I use to write all the time, cook from scratch, scrapbook, sew, read, chat on the phone, scan social media, etc.
No time for any of that.
But then I was not exactly happy when I was doing all those things.
Being a perfectionist made everything very hard for me.
So I guess I’m happier now.
Yes, I know medication changes you.
It has definitely changed me.
For the better.
I actually feel it has changed my personality. If that is possible.
I’m not a perfectionist anymore.
I am super laid back.
I never overthink anything.
I’m more of a home body, but do force myself to go out several times a week.
I’m not bothered by other people’s imperfections anymore.
Yes! I use to be.
I’m told that things happen as you age. So perhaps it’s a mixture of the sort.
One thing has not changed though, and it’s my feelings.
I feel things deeply. I hurt when I see others hurt or being mistreated.
I use to try to fix people’s problems and now I just remove myself from things that are not good for me to be around.
I wish I was taught how to do that at a younger age.
I’m very picky with my time now.
I only allow a few people into my life.
My family and work come first.
Then my few friends.
Work helps my family so work comes before friends.
Speaking of friends, I’m at a point of growth nowhere I can’t have friends younger then me. They need to be my age, or older.
Years ago all my friends, for the most part were younger then me.
It’s strange recounting the last few decades of my life.
It has shown me where I’ve been and where I’m going.
Where I’ve grown, and where I’m heading.
I’m happy and fulfilled and it feels very good…
Now pass me my animal print cane someone…I need to get these curlers out of my hair.
🤣
From North to South 