Depression

Depression

What do you do when you have a spouse spiraling down the drain? Depressed.

I’ve been sad before, but I don’t know that I’ve ever been legit, depressed. I thought I had, but that was before I knew what depression really was.

So it’s hard for me to understand the feelings. The way the mind is altered.

I have been reading up on it for the past week though.

Like many wives, I’ve always felt that it was my fault that my spouse was not happy.

That it meant that I had to change and make my spouse happy.

This has been the weight on my shoulders for so many years.

But I’m slowing learning that when someone is depressed, or even unhappy, it has more to do with themselves. Not you.

It’s a hard realization watching someone and listening to someone complain about every little thing in life. Someone who is never happy or positive about; well, anything.

Watching them go through counseling, but it not resulting in any real, life altering change.

You can’t help to let it eat away at you.

Especially when you are walking around thinking that life is pretty great. Despite its trials.

And when you are excited and happy, but it seems to annoy the depressed person.

For me, it’s hard not to feel what others close to me are feeling.

It’s hard to not let people and circumstances not steal my Joy. But it’s something that I’m going to continue working and praying about.

I use to read news stories about people who committed suicide because they were depressed. (Off the top of my head, I think of Robin Williams, if I’m recalling right.)

I use to think to myself… why didn’t their friends and family help them? Didn’t they care enough?

I’d think that it was their friends and families fault that they let it happen.

But no more!

Having been dealing with a depressed spouse for so long, I’m just now realizing that all the nit-picking and complaining has nothing to do with anyone other then the one in the mirror.

It’s a hard realization to come to terms with…

I just feel helpless.

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Walmart Brands

Walmart Brands

I never thought I’d have Walmart taking up so much of my blog, but..

Mini Update:

I mentioned my two no name brand Walmart purses that had really impressed me last month. Both impulse buys.

One in black and one in gray. I blogged about them with pictures last month.

They were only $9.96 each.

And while I still love my black one.. I have only been carrying my gray one a few weeks and the seams are already starting to come undone. 😐

I ended up going back and upgrading to a pink one with gold hardware. I don’t love it as much. It was $13.97

It’s a bit of a stiffer synthetic pleather, and much smaller in size. Only one deep pocket.. No outside pockets for your keys or phone, so it’s not very practical. But it’s pretty!

So there’s that.

While I was there again shopping, I noticed that they seem to be doing away with their no name branding.

I think they did that with clothing years ago, if I recall.

I remember they had a brand called George, White Stag, Faded Glory, and Cherokee. Maybe others?

To the best of knowledge, they only carry Faded Glory now. Which is their Walmart brand.

Getting back to purses, they must have signed a deal with Relic handbags.

$29.99 each.

<
have never been a fan of Relic. But I know many are.

Once upon a time Relic could only be bought from the mall or online.

Now… you can buy the brand at Walmart.

Brands need to cease to make room for up and coming ones I guess. πŸ˜‰

I remember when the make-up brand Hard Candy, was only on HSN.. And now it can only be bought at Walmart.

A few years ago Walmart was selling Kathy Van Zeeland purses.

I use to carry those, but like any designer bag that becomes overly saturated , or starts selling at discount places… the quality and hype go right down the drain. I actually sold all mine back when I had Facebook.

Currently, I’ve had my eye on a Big Buddha bag that Walmart is currently carrying.

But who wants to dish out $40 for a Walmart handbag?! Yikes!

I know it sounds silly.

Why does someone feel fine about spending $40 at the mall for a purse, but cringes at the thought of spending the same amount at a discount store.

I guess it’s like a yard sale or thrift store.

You are there for a deal! Nothing more.

So there you have the Walmart Purse update.

Has anyone treated them-self to a new Fall/Winter handbag as of late? Please share!

Millennials (What can we learn?)

Millennials

If you were born in the early Eighties to the mid nineties, then your label is one. I think! πŸ€”

With traits such as,

Being overly confident.

Or at least pretending to be.

Preaching tolerance…. till the next ‘attack’….

Having a sense of entitlement,

while being incredibly narcissistic…

Demanding that everyone needs to be a winner.

No more first,second, or third place, because that causes low self esteem.

These are your basic stereotypical Millennials. Mind you…

That all seems just awful. Doesn’t it?

But what are some positive traits?

Because no Generation is perfect…we all have flaws.

I’m told that I have a lot of Baby Boomer ideas and thoughts. (I’m not a Baby Boomer, btw)

But I have always seen that as a compliment because I feel like that age group has always been most authentic.

Next to their parents, The Silent Generation. Aka’ Greatest Generation Ever…

I love spending time with older people.

Baby Boomers and up. They are my favorites.

I can listen to their stories for hours on end, absorbing every one of them!

Isn’t It ironic that many Baby Boomers are the parents of the Millennials. I’m still

Trying to wrap my head around that one.

That said, my parents are both Baby Boomers. I suppose that’s why I fall somewhere in between. I have a lot of different traits and ideas about life. And I’m forever changing them. Always self reflecting and trying to improve.

There are many things I love about what the Millennials seem to have accomplished though.

Well, besides making sandwiches and Avocado toast, daily staples. πŸ˜‰

What I admire most-is their mind frame of working less to play more.

Being your own boss.

Being financially set, and many hard working ones owning their own home before age twenty-five.

Not needing a degree to have a dream Job.

Thinking outside the box.

Not following in their parents footsteps, because that is what was expected of them.

Doers, not dreamers.

They make things happen!

I guess it’s because they are loud.

I admire that and support that 110%

I love the doers not dreamers part the most.

Trying and failing is better then not trying at all.

Risk Takers!

Millennials are risk takers.

They are not savers, but spenders.

Spending on life experiences, mostly.

We each have a huge life to live, so why not spread our wings and not limit ourselves.

I think they have a wealth of knowledge, despite all the negatives.

Again, what Generation is without flaws? Zero!

Sure, maybe they don’t know how to cook, clean, can, maintain healthy relationships, or change a tire.

But they are always in a learning mode.

After all, Google is only a click away.

Who needs a healthy relationship anyways.

Kidding of course… πŸ˜‰

Story Time:

My daughter asked me yesterday what my least favorite job as a teenager.

I told her it was when I lied, and got hired at a Home Depot type of store.

In the interview I told the guy that I knew a lot about construction.

So I had builders come in and ask me questions on how much wood they would need. Questions about different bolts and screws. Paint.

I was clueless!

I ended up quitting after two weeks.

Even if it was a high paying job, at $5.75 per hour. 😁

My daughter looked confused that I told her that I quit because I just didn’t know the answers.

She then asked me why I didn’t just Google them?! 🀣

~Tuesday~

This mornings breakfast is 1/2 cup of raw oats with Golden berries, Goji berries, Mulberries, Seeds, and some raw honey.

1 cup of green matcha tea

24oz water

And today’s vitamins…

I am going to get myself out of this funk and kill the rest of this week!! πŸ˜ŽπŸ™…

And on another note, I want this Brevile Tea maker so much! But they are so pricy. Hard to justify the cost. Maybe for Christmas.

If anyone has it, comment below and let me know how much you love it.. or not?! Lol

People who don’t deserve your time

Some people just never change, I guess.

I had recently reconnected with a friend.. despite that feeling in my gut towards them, which was still telling me…. Don’t trust! Don’t trust!

And of course– I ignored that feeling. Like I always do. Because I’m always wanting to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I keep praying that I can live the rest of my life listening to my intuition..As it’ never let me down. But then I feel bad when someone cries me a river. Ugh!

I’m just so upset with myself for always wanting to see the good in people. I know that sounds crazy!

I mean, as a Christian, we should be turning the other cheek and loving people though.

But then again, people who are in the business of using people.. rarely change…

I really, REALLY, need to come to terms with this.

Vent over

Off to the Landfill

I purchased a lot of vintage earrings from eBay for a early Birthday gift for myself. (10pairs)

On the way out of the house the other day I got the mail and opened them up in the car.

I took a moment and marveled at how dainty and pretty they all were. Then I placed them back in the bubbled envelope, and put them on the car dash.

When we got home it was cold and we had groceries to bring in…so I Β had forgotten to bring in the earrings. The following day DH cleaned the car and the envelope got tossed.

Yesterday while getting ready to go out for the day I wanted to wear a pair… then I remembered they were in the car…but nope. But they were no longer in the car….

Off to the landfill they were.

I realize material possessions are all replaceable, but I’m sad. I’m just sad.
/p>

Friday (Journal Entry)

First world problems. I know.
I’ve been a bit more stressed as of late.

 Meaning, the past week. 

I kind of feel like I know why, but then all the little, somewhat silly things add to it. 

Between homeschooling, wife & mother, the gym, and reselling full time, I have very little time for myself. 
Things that are simple, yet bring me joy, keep getting pushed to the curb. And when I do have the free time to do them; I’m simply too tired. 
Such as- 

Perming my eyelashes

Coloring my hair

Doing my nails

Making appointments

Returning phone calls & texts

Or just chilling out like everyone else, watching Stranger Things. 

I read that another blogger started Hallmark movies, and I can’t even bring myself to watch them, because for the past five years that was something I would do with my two eldest daughters. And they both are rarely home anymore. And my two younger daughters don’t like watching TV. 

I did go ahead and purchase several of our favorite ones though, so when my daughters are home for the Holidays, we can binge watch together. Love at the Christmas table is one of our very favorites. It just never gets old. ❀️

I miss not being busy. And I feel bad for saying that. Because busyness means you have a life!

 Or so I’m told. 😐
They say that the more free time a person has the more time they have to think and dissect every little aspect of their life.. Instead of leaving it at the cross.

We have all been there before..and sometimes it’s not the best place for one to be. 

 I’m always tell my kids to strike while the irons hot, for we don’t know what tomorrow brings. 
Things change quickly, that I feel you must do everything you can now. 

People’s finances and health are the first two things to go. Generally speaking. 
So if you are capable to getting everything done now, then you should. Which includes bucket lists. Feel blessed because you are still capable to be busy.

Waiting only leads to regrets.. and no one has time for that, also.

I don’t want this to come off as complaining; more so, thinking out loud…. 
Life.
Time.

They sure do throw you a lot of curve balls.

Therefore we need to keep striving. Whether we fail or not.. keep on going! 

And on a brighter note, I am planning our December and January vacations right now. 

Also, look at this fabulous breakfast I’m about ready to indulge in. I have been drinking a gallon of water a day for the past week. 

And I actually have a drinking water support group. What has my life become?! Lol
This Breakfast for Champions includes:

Quart of water

Starbucks carmel Coffee with carmel Almond creamer.

Green Smoothie: Swiss chard, kale, Spinich, banana, chlorella, turmeric, and water.  

1/2 cup of plain Cabot Greek yogurt topped with Raw chocolate nibs, frozen raspberries and raw honey.
Vitamins are split into every quart of water I drink. There here are 4 omegas and two herbal thyroid tabs. 

With my kids being older, they prepare their own breakfasts when they wake up. I try to have my morning breakfast and devotion beforehand. 

 

Ebay buyers who Stalk

Shortly after I became a Christian, I started praying for patience. It’s not something I would suggest anyone to pray for..but I did. During that time I went through a lot with dealing with people. I try extra hard to see everyone how the Lord sees them. Through his lens.

We don’t know everyone’s circumstances. We don’t walk in their shoes. We can’t always judge a book by its cover. You get the point. 

But sometimes; especially recently, it’s been a hard pill for me to swallow. I guess I still fall short. As I still get flustered. 

But I’m never going to pray for paitence ever again. *grin*



I haven’t had too many bad apples this past year on eBay, but in the past four weeks, a particular lady has really irked me. 

So much, that I finally just blocked her. About a hour ago.

I love that you can block ebayers. The only thing is…that I wish they couldn’t private message you once blocked. They can! 😐

They just can’t bid/buy any of your items. And eBay tells them that they are blocked. 😳

And I should mention, as an eBay  store seller, if you don’t reply back to private messages, it goes against you. 

Back story: 

Last month I found my first plus size 8x cardigan. It was sparkly, and well… Large! Very!

I wasn’t familiar with the brand, but I figured that it may be something that I could flip for over $50, so I bought it. It cost me $5. I listed it for $70

It was new with tags, so it didn’t need much preparation. I snapped a few pictures, added some measurements, and put it right up for sale.

That evening my phone went off at midnight. (Ebay App,)

A lady asked me if it really was a plus size 8x. 

I responded to her right away. Yes. Yes it was.

12:15am she asked for measurements. 

I told her that they are in the description, then I screen shot them for her. (I know, not very professional. But I was in bed. Tired.)

I thought that was the end of it but then I woke up to two more messages from her.

1. Are you sure this cardigan will fit me? What if it’s too small?

2. What are your return policies?
Again, I replied back to her. 
Then I had several days of not hearing from her.

Then she messaged me once again, and told me that she will buy it now, but she will pay me in two weeks when she has the money. 

(Not exactly buying it tomorrow)

I replied back to her that that was not an option. 

Again, a few days passed.

Then she messaged me again and asked for more pictures. Ebay allows 12 pictures per item, so that what I took. I couldn’t imagine what other pictures I could possibly take, but wanted to keep good customer service, so I unwrapped the already wrapped cardigan, and took six more pictures of it. Then I messaged them directly to her.

Later that night she replied that the cardigan now looks smaller then the pictures that are in the auction listing, and why is that.
I replied to her that the first group of pictures were taken with the cardigan on a hanger, but the second bunch were taken as ‘flat lays’

Meaning, I laid it on the floor and stood on a chair and took them straight down..to give her different views. 

Otherwise they would have looked the same as the pictures in the listing.
She replied back and asked if I’d take any less for the cardigan. 

I replied back no, that I’m sorry but the price is firm. 

She then told me that she’s on a fixed income, and that is why she’s asking.

I then sent her to the actual website that sells the cardigans, and added that there are many similar ones in all sizes, that are on clearance now. Which was the truth because I went to the site and checked myself. You can buy up to 10x.

She then replied back to me and told me that she wants the one that I have listed. Notbone that is similar. 

I then needed a breather and ignored her.


The next day I thought I was in the clear.
But I guess that me not responding back to her right away, upset her. She asked me why I didn’t reply back to her the previous night. 

That, is when I should have taken the points against my account and not replied back to her. She’s a stranger to me. I do not own her an explanation. πŸ˜”

But I didn’t. Instead,  I lied and told her I’ve been busy working. Which is always true. I am always busy now… but it takes only a second to reply back to someone… So, I lied..

A couple days passed. I thought she was gone. But nope! 

She messaged me in detail about the wedding that she needs to attend.. 

I replied back okay. 

What was I suppose to respond back? She’s not a friend. 

She then messaged me to say that she really needs something for the wedding but simply doesn’t know if the cardigan will be too small or not.

By this point I was ready to tell her that I’d decided to keep the dang cardigan and use it for a blanket, or a table cloth… or maybe make a sparkly tent fit for a king!

I know.. I’m sounding like a big meany.. but I was at breaking point. 

So I sent her the measurements yet again, and told her to measure a current jacket and compare the measurements.
She responded that she doesn’t have a measuring tape and really needs the cardigan.

And told me that pay day was in a few days. 

She also added.. that she’s on state assistance.

I didn’t reply back. This is irrelevant to me. Business is business. I already went out of my way and sent her to the site to purchase one cheaper. 

The weekend came and she told me that she now has the money and will just do the Buy Now’ Option.

I told her okay, sounds good

And I even added a smile emoji. 

But a week went by and she didn’t buy it, so I figured she changed her mind. Which I was delighted!

But no…

It was midnight when my phone went off again. 

She asked me if the fabric was forgiving, and did it have a lot of stretch to it.

I replied back that it did… and added the exact fabric content. (Which was also in the listing.)

The next day she replied back that she’s going to pass on it. 


That was music to my ears! I even opened a bottle of wine to celebrate. I was that happy! 

That was the end of this month long headache.

But it wasn’t…

Last night at midnight she messaged me again and told me that she really needs the cardigan for a wedding in two weeks. 

Before I could reply back, she messaged me and asked what my return policy was again. That she’d forgotten. 

I replied. Then went to bed hoping that I wouldn’t have nightmares of her.. or that dumb cardigan which I now resented. In fact, maybe it needs to be cut up for rags! 

This morning she messaged me for more pictures. 

I told her no, that the cardigan is already in a poly bag shipper once again.

Then.. I had a very bad feeling that she was going to buy it, wear it to the weddjng, and then return it. Ding! Ding! Ding! 

So I added her to my eBay blocked list.
But–

Apparently,  she went to buy it but eBay sent her this message—

And that is the message she sent me.

Then she sent me this one:

I told her that I took it down because I sold it to a friend and that she may want to consider the website that has them on sale right now. Cheaper then what  I’m listing mine for…. And to take care… and I hope she finds what she needs. 

Bam! Done!

Or so I thought…..


Ignore….


Ignore:


Ignore…..

And here it is… 3:30pm

I have not heard back from her..

Praise the Lord!

Walmart fiascoΒ 

About once a year, sometimes twice, I encounter a uncomfortable shopping experience. 

Last night was one of those incidents. 

I was at Walmart. 

I was looking in the craft section when a middle aged woman, late 50’s was heading my way in one of those Walmart ‘ride along’ buggy things…

She pulled up right in front of me and asked me if I was a God fearing Christian. 

I didn’t think much at the time, because this is how they witness to people here, down South. 

I’ve had people approach me and ask me if I knew that when I died I’d burn in the fiery furnace.. Unless I repented right away.. 

For real! That incident took place in a laundry mat.

Evangelists are hard-core down here! Fire & Brimstone all the way.

My mistake is, that I am engaging. At l day that’s what my family tells me. 

I admit, I walk around with a smile, and I am a bit more friendly then I should be, probably.  It’s become a blessing and a curse. 

After being asked about my faith, I told the women that I was a Christian. 
She then out of the blue, asked me if I would buy her a Vacuum cleaner. A shark, specifically. 

She said she didn’t have the two-hundred dollars and needed a vacuum cleaner that night. And that since I claim to be a Christian, then it is my duty to give to charity. 

HER, being the charity. 

I became like a deer in a headlight. At first I thought she was pulling my leg. Or that I was being recorded for some social experiment. 

I froze. 

Then she repeated her request to me in a more assertive manner.

I responded to her where she could purchase the vacuum at a cheaper price. And that the store Ollie’s, is cheaper then Walmart. At least I could offer her that information, despite her rudeness. 

But that didn’t sit well with her and she told me that unless I was going to drive her to the other store and purchase the vacuum for her, then she didn’t care.. And that if I was really a Christian, I NEEDED to buy her a vacuum as a charity.

I became annoyed, but still wanting to be respectful, I told her that 90% of my purchases are second hand.. and that if she needed one that bad, she should try a thrift store.

She then became down right mean and stopped another shopper who was walking past us.

She told the random stranger that “this women” (while pointing at me) was claiming to be a Christian, yet, would not bless her with a vacuum cleaner. 

The lady shrugged, said sorry.. and kept on walking. 

Exactly what I should have done. I hate that I always feel the need to explain myself. Especially to strangers. πŸ˜”

It was now just the two of us again….

I ended the conversation by telling her that I have five kids, and I am putting one through the Uni, so I simply can’t help her… and then I walked away..

Of course even if I was a millionaire, having random strangers demand gifts or money, would not be charities I would give too. 

Feeling distressed after walking away, I texted my husband and told him what had just happened. 

He said I should have just told her from the get-go to leave me the hell alone, and get lost!

But I’m just not that kind of person though. But I know that I need to grow a pair…. sort of speak; soon though.

I finished my grocery shopping and went to cash out. 

I always look over all my purchases while standing in line to estimate the cost. 

While doing this, I didn’t notice that the crazy lady was a couple carts in front of me. 

As I was scanning over the items in my cart I heard some commotion in front of me that caused me to look up. 

There she was! Still in the riding buggy, and yelling at the cashier. 

She was telling the cashier that she still owes her. $20 back. 

I then noticed that she had a watch in her hand.

Then another cashier came over and they straightened it out, it seemed. The crazy lady was in the wrong. 

The cashier cashed out the woman in front of me, and then it was my turn. 

While ringing me out the cashier asked me how I was, and if I found everything I was looking for. I told her that the lady in the riding buggy that just left, approached me in the store, more-less demanding that I buy her a vacuum cleaner. 

I told her what happened and she told me that that woman got the lady that was in front of me, (behind her) to buy her a $40 wrist watch. 

Apparently, while she was in line she turned around and asked the lady behind her if she was a God fearing Christian.

The lady told her yes, and then the crazy lady asked her if she would buy her a TimeX watch as a charity. 

The lady said alright. They both left the line, and came back with the watch. 

She paid for the watch, and then the crazy ladypurchased  her couple of items.. and that’s when I got into the line. 😳

The cashier told me that the lady was either a con-artist, or had a mental disposition.  Then she apologized that I had a bad shopping experience. She then told me that this time of year is always challenging. She shared a few horror stories that she’s encountered in the past couple years around the Holiday season. 

After I cashed out I went out to the parking lot and noticed that the crazy woman was standing up with two other ladies in the parking lot, and laughing. 

She was showing off her new watch to one of them. Then they high fived. 

Then the ladies were approached by a Walmart employee who was getting all the carts outside. They all started talking. It seemed to be getting intense. 

I got into the car and we left! 

Today… I’m upset at myself for not being more assertive in that very awkward situation. 


I’m very curious how others may have responded in the situation I just shared. Please share!

We all like to think we would not engage in crazy, but when it happens to us… many, like myself, simply freeze. πŸ˜”

Fur Loafer Slides

Last week, while paging through a magazine at the doctors office I came across these Gucci Slides. With tax, they’d be over a thousand dollars. 

 I did a quick search just to make sure, and sure enough.. They cost a mortgage! *sigh*

Granted, they are made of genuine leather and goat fur; as well as being an investment piece, that’s bound to age well. That said, I am not rich, nor pretend to be..

So as always, I made a quest to find a similar, more affordable style. 
These Ellen Tracy’s are similar. And  still look like grandfathers comfortable slippers, but the cost is right up my alley. 

They retail for $60, but I got them for $20.


Do they feel as comfy and plush as the Guccis? Probably not. But if I can enjoy them for the next couple of years, I’m sure I will be bored of them by then anyways. πŸ˜‰