Another Day

Today was a good day. So exhausting though. 

I had to do a double day of school with the kids yesterday because we all had dentist appointments this morning. 
So yesterdays school session ended at 9pm. 

I then worked till midnight. 
Then went to bed at a bit after midnight. 

This morning I was up at 5:30, to get everyone ready for the dentist. 
We are generally there the whole morning. 
I didn’t have time for my morning pep talk, but did manage to spend the first 15 minutes in prayer. That never seems like enough time though. 
I have been trying to motivate myself with morning pep talks lately. 
“You are Wonder Woman”

“You are Super Girl”

“You are the Beast-master”

“You can crush anything!”

“You have your hustle on!”

“You can do this!”



So by motivation, I really mean waking up ‘excited, not grumpy’ Mind over matter pep talks. They haven’t worked yet, but I’m not a quitter. 😉

It has been a life long struggle to wake up early, yet in a good mood. 

~After the dentist I had a friend pick me and my oldest daughter up for lunch. 
Then afterwards we headed to the outlets. 
I found a very nice pair of Tory Burches for $4.29. I should be able to flip them them for $60

I also found a pair of Minnatonkas for $4.29.They will only go for $30 though.

 I found some Jack Rogers that will go for $50. Some Uggs. 

And some assorted name brand clothing items, along with a few vintage items. 

Very productive day..


Holding Cells 

Random Thoughts

This is topic that I have never given much thought of until now….

The other day I was told that some people claim that scripture backs up what’s called, a ‘holding area. Or holding cell’ for those that die. 

In other words, when you die, you don’t go to heaven or hell. You go to this ‘holding area’ until judgement day. Of course I have never heard this at any funeral. 

They generally just say that the person is joe with the good Lord. Or in Glory. Neverbtgat they are off in a holding area until Jesus return.

Scripture says that the dead will rise first…
1 Thessalonians 4:16

For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a loud command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will be the first to rise.

Where are they rising from? Some may ask..

Not only that, but some people say that when Jesus died, before he rose again…. he was at this holding area witnessing to the people there. OT people that worshiped false Gods, etc.
It’s so very interesting!

Anything that makes me dive deeper into scripture study always excites me.

~Has anyone else ever studied these things in depth before?

Life of a Reseller/Personal Shopper

There are many places to resell gently used clothing. Gently used; means no holes, rips, or stains.

Although, I have bought things that have needed repairing. And if the flip is worth the effort, then I buy and make repairs.

Thatvsaid, you do need to take good close up pictures of the repair, and also mention it in your descriptions.
It’s also a very good idea to have the appropriate apps. on your phone for the platforms you sell on. I think there is a Bonanza app. that lets you link all your platforms.

Having a smartphone is very important in the reselling business.

I take pictures, list, and print out my shipping labels right from my phone. I also search what things are worth while out sourcing from my phone.

To be honest, I would not be doing any of this without my phone.


I started selling back in 1999, with my trusty PC, and Kodak camera. Not even a digital camera, mind you. 😱

I can’t imagine going through all that hassle nowadays.

Of course if it were the only thing available, I just might..

But who am kidding, probably not. 😏
Well known sites to resell on:

Offer up



Posh mark


What type of things do to sell? 

I get asked this question a lot. 

I sell mainly sought after clothing. But I also sell things that will gain value to collectors, mostly.

There will always be people who collect things. 

Sadly, some people will buy things over purchasing food for themselves.

But that’s a whole other post. Nothing Inwant to focus on today.

If you make it a point to collect Limited Edition things, such as Limited Edition make-up.

 (For example)

THAT has amazing value to a lot of women.

Hence– how hair and nail salons will never go out of business.

Make-up doesn’t take up much storage, so if you have the money to invest in it, why not.
Each year cosmetic companies put out Holiday Collections that get sold out immediately.

Sometimes within the first hour of their launch.

Anything by the Kardashians/Jenner’s, or Beauty Influencers. Of course MAC, and Too Faced. Along with any other high end products. I’m not talking about drug store make-up.
Once sold out, people flock to eBay and Amazon to look for these items.

You can purchase an eye shadow palette for $58, from beauty stores such as Ulta and Sephora. Then turn around and double your profit by selling it online a few months later. Some palettes go for $200! Limited edition Disney lines are a prime example.

(Please don’t do this with food though.)

Selling food for extreme amounts of money…..

I have a tender heart for people in need of food, which is why I donate food every week to people. 

So please don’t sell gallons of spring water to Hurricane victims for inflated prices. This goes for baby formula and pampers, too. 

Getting back to reselling..

Shipping and collecting things that people find value in, or memories… is A-okay. You are providing a service to them that takes thought, gas money, time, etc..

And that’s worth the price tag for many people who do not like ‘the hunt’.
Back in the days, I spent mass amounts of money on sold out items that I wanted for my kids..
Back in 2000, I spent $80 for a $10 plush animal that my daughter wanted for her birthday, but it was sold out in the stores.
Not to mention my hunt for specific My Little Ponies.

Some of those are rare and pricy, because they keep updating and retiring them.
Same goes for Care Bears.

I sold my personal collection for a hefty profit.

People pay for memories, and I’m no different then anyone else. I do still have my original 1980’s Cabbage Patch kid though. It’s one of the only things I have from my granny, and I plan on keeping her forever. ❤️
Through trial and error I have learned what sells and what doesn’t.
Beanie Babies and Limited Edition Hallmark ornaments were great things to collect in the late 80’s, but they are pretty worthless nowadays.
However, garbage patch kids and Pokémon cards are still sought after. 

Again, they don’t take up much room.
Remember, you have a lot of money in your house at this very moment. You have stuff that no one is using and it can be sold and no one would miss it. 😉

I don’t live in a mansion by any means, so storage is always an issue. Which is why I keep mentioning room to store things.

I’ve thought of renting a unit, or buying another shed. But that would cut into my profits a whole lot. So I make do with what I have. And you could too.

I currently use 10% of my home for my business.

These pictures below are of my current set-up. Nothing fancy, but working for now.

I have labeled bins of what’s  inside each bin. I have a rack for all my shoes and boots. 

Each shelf is a different size. 

The middle is filled with packet books and my daughters things that she is selling.

Then I have a clothes rack for everything that is more pricier, or things that I steamed and ironed.

Pocket books are also something I have always collected.
I have turned over a quick profit on them for years now.

I started out collecting Vera Bradleys… which often retire when new patterns come out. Many people are attached to certain patterns and styles. And when they get retired, they need to search online for them.

Currently, I have moved on to strictly designer bags though. Lower end ones, such as Micheal Korrs, Coach, and Calvin Klein.

I wish I could buy and resell Chanel, YSL, and Hermes’ bags. Maybe if I already had a million dollars to invest.

That shared, I don’t just buy to buy…

I never have.

Although people seem to think so. 😏

I put thought into every purchase I make. Whether it’s .50 or fifty dollars.

Remember, you need money to make money though. But this can be as little as $20

When I go to Goodwill and spend $20, I turn it into $100! Then $100 can easily turn into $500, and in some cases, 1k! My daughter bought a Kate Spade dress last month for $5.49, and then turned around and flipped it for $100. Off to Canada it went.

Research the market.

And start at the bottom.

Your house! Yard sales! Estate sales!

Learn about what you love.

Find your nitch.

I use to be into collectibles, such as glassware, and art.

I once sold a rare cattle etching engraving..

Which led me to learn everything I could about etchings. Fascinating, but not a quick flip.

I also use to sell old costume jewelry, which I am still very much interested in.
I currently collect it. Not too old though.

Mainly 70’s and 80’s. But I do have some very old Abalone pieces that I really adore. Mesh Whiting & Davis items are also very nice.
When I first started reselling I educated myself on all things. Like a kid in a candy store..

 wanted it all!

I also had a larger house back then, so storage was never an issue.

I was an avid watcher of the antique roadhouse, and grew up around people who collected antiques. So I did have a little knowledge from the get go.

Carnival Glass, Ruby red, and Fenton pieces were things my mom collected.

Fiesta-ware, old stamps and milk white glass, were also things I knew about. Old quilts are very valuable. Especially the yo-yo and stained glass ones.

I’m sure if you think about it, you really know about certain valuables.

Vintage things have also become quite trendy in the past few years.

Especially with clothing.

Hipsters have made many great fashion statements…with their modern skinny jeans; paired with vintage woolwich and wrangler pearl button-up shirts. There! There’s a market.

They have also made men’s vintage shoes very sought after. I love hipsters! 😉

Last year I picked up a pair of vintage Wallabies  for $2.99 at the Salvation Army, then resold them for $200.00! I shipped them to the U.K. And yes, the buyer pays upfront for shipping. I also charge a handling fee.

My time and effort are valuable.

Shoes are also a great way to get into the reselling community. 

Mens size shoes 13-15 seem to be the most popular. While ladies size 8 shoes are the most popular.

And yes, I clean and sanitize every pair of shoes that I buy. I learned how to properly do this by watching, you got it….YouTube videos. 😉
What about drop shipping? 

Personally, I’m not a fan of drop ship, because I like to have everything in my possession to inspect. I want to hand pick each item and feel what I’m selling.

I have  bought from drop ship sellers in the past, and have never been satisfied.

I bought an electric eyelash curler that broke after a few times of use.  I also bought a leather wallet, which  I suspect, wasn’t actually real leather.
When I notified these sellers, they were honest, and said that they had no idea of the quality, because the items never passed their hands. They were drop shipped.
Yes, there is money to be made in drop ship, but there is also money to be made with hard work, too. But remember, no one wants stained up broken junk.

But I’ve been told that there is currently a market for old TV remote controls and Panasonic VHS players. Who knew?!

You may also be able to utilize Criegslist for junk. I know creative types like to recycle just about anything. Turning trash into treasure. That’s their nitch.

It’s great to recycle and keep as much as you can off the landfill. That’s a business in itself.

Again, find what works for you.

Be passionate about it!
You have to like the hunt though. Which I do.

If you do not enjoy shopping, you might as well stay with your 9-5 day job.

That has never worked for me. I get bored way too easily.
That all said… and I know I can go on… 

Here is a list of brands that I tend to hunt for:

Ugly Christmas Sweaters (Yes! These sell!)


Lucky Brand

Lane Bryant


St. John’s

Ralph Lauren

Eileen Fisher

LL Bean

Old Navy






Lilly Putzer

Kate Spade

Micheal Korrs


Paper Krane


Harley Davidson

Tommy Bahama

North Face

J Crew

J. Jill




Victoria Secret

Free People


Calvin Klein

Lands End



In conclusion: Selling on any platform takes effort…and for me, it has been answered prayer. And pretty easy because I’m a former consumer, so I know what to look for. I also have people who hire me to look for things for them.
There is no such thing as a get rich quick job. Although I hear Ed makes seven figures on ebay..😉

What does it take and how do I start?

Basically, you need to source items, research them, pull comps, take quality pictures, and write good descriptions. 

Descriptions need to not only describe the item for sale, but convince the buyer that they need your item, not someone else’s.. And you only have eight seconds to do this, as the average buyers attention span is eight seconds before they click out, and onto someone else’s listing.
And lastly, wrap the item nicely; with a thank you card, and have it mailed within 24 hours of the sale.

Fast shipping is a must! 

Especially when you reach power seller status. Which I have.
For me, this is going to the post office every single day. If you live far from a post office, you can give your mailman all your packages.
Providing you have already bought the shipping labels through PayPal.

I forgot to mention, you need a PayPal account for eBay. It is not optional.
And there you have it! 

Now I have this all typed up and posted, and have a place to send people who ask me how I do it. 🙂

Beth Moore

I had another amazing day today. A very long day, but so uplifting to my spirit.

I went to a live streaming of Beth Moores Living water convention with a friend. We walked through the whole book of Colossians. 
It started at 9am and ended at 5pm. 

Today was a day to refresh and regroup. 

And just to praise and worship the Lord with other believers. 

My phone was actually off. 

 I took so many notes with an actual pen and paper, that  it felt odd not to be typing. 

But I’m ending my night feeling so very grateful to have love in my heart and friends to share my life journey with. 

I learned so much today about God, his Love, and the power of connection. ❤️

Wake up & do 3 things well 

I had a great day today and am now laying in bed reminiscing over how much I accomplished today. It feels so good!

I woke up and set three attainable goals for myself.

1. Drink 8 water bottles

(They are very cheap at Sams Club if you are wondering.)

2. Take pictures of new inventory, edit pictures, and list till it hurts. (Listen to a podcast on reselling while doing the above)

3. Journal my day.
And….These three simple things tasks were going to be done after my kids were schooled and we talked about their future goals. 

Oh! And after I cooked, got caught up on laundry, vacuumed the house, and organized my inventory.

See? There are enough hours in each day to achieve what seems to be a lot.

Did I have time for phone calls? No. So voice mail picked up two calls. This tends to happen a lot.

However, I have four kids who text & FaceTime me, so I do reply to their texts right away. As I know it’s generally important.

Today I had less kids because they were at music class. I used that extra time that I could have been chatting on the phone, or on social media, working. 

Getting back to the podcast.

1. I learned that successful people tend to have less friends then unsuccessful people.

2. Your circle of friends should be uplifting and motivating to you and your journey through life. Even your relations. In fact, try to have your very close friends on the same page as you. Having the same goals as you. Because after all, iron sharpens iron. So audit your life. And your friendships. Less is more. 

3. Stop complaining,  and work for what you want! It doesn’t take all that long to get the life that you want. 3-5 years.  Financially, that is. 

4. The average person has 3k worth of stuff in their homes that they currently do not use. Stop saving junk for a rainy day. Sell it! Stop with all the Go Fund Me pages and sell your stuff. Whatever it takes! Do not get attached to materialistic things. 

I love things, but would sell them in a heartbeat for a better life… which is, expirences

This has changed dramatically throughout my years. In my 20’s and most of my 30’s I was all about stuff.  Not to the hourder capacity though. 

I have always been very frugal, yet a reseller of things. That all started in the 5th grade when I use to get free lunch and would sell my tuna boats and grilled cheese sandwiches for $2 each,  to this boy Charlie. Meanwhile, I brown bagged it.

Later in jr. high I was piercing people’s ears in my bathroom for $20 and buying stuff on clearance at K-Mart, and selling it at retail cost to my classmates. 

So you get the picture. Anyone can make money. I hate hearing that they can’t. Or that they don’t know how. 

We have so many free resources at our fingertips nowadays. You can learn anything you want to. Not only that, you can master it!

The fact is, you need to put in the effort and time. That’s it. 

Reselling can not be seen as a hobby if you want to be successful. 

Which is how I first looked at it when I first started. 

 As soon as that mind frame changed, I started to reap what I sewd. But not without work. 

Lastly, and again, this was heard on a podcast…

When you are at the end of your rope and feel like giving up, you still have 40% to give. 

Wow! That is so inspiring to me

It reminded me of a story my daughters BF’s brother was telling me last week. 

He just got home from basic training. 

While away, he had pink eye, strep, and pneumonia. He was going on Six hours of sleep each night, the whole sixty days of training…

And then during the last day….. when he was feeling his worst…. he had to run 12 miles to complete the training program.

With no meds and suffering, he hustled and did it! 

Personally, I can not even imagine. 

What a beast! 

It’s amazing what the body and mind are capable of. 
Do I desire to be able to do all that? Of course not. But it sure the heck impresses me.

My awe moment was one night last month. 

 I wanted to list one hundred things in a 24 hour period, and I told myself that I would not go to bed until I was through.

 I had a date with myself, and I was going to honor it. 

I got done at 3:30am. My hands hurt so bad from all the typing, but I did it. 

I accomplished what I set out to do. 

And… it paid off tremendously. 

It was a very good week! 🙂

~So I guess what I’m learning is good time management. And as cliche as it sounds, Never give up. 😉

Periods & The Eclipse 

(Ladies Only Post) 

But of course if you are interested.. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I debated on whether or not to write about something so personal, but I have asked a couple close girl-friends, and it appears that it’s a thing.

If you are still in that fertile age bracket, that is. 

(What I’m about to share here)

So, I woke up the other day to a unexpected cycle. Not only that, my daughters did too. 
None of us was expecting this. 

Twice in the same thirty day cycle, is just not something that anyone is prepared for….I assure you. 

So I called my OBGYN. She said that she’s had many women call this past week regarding their cycles…She gave me a few thoughts.

 Then off the record, she mentioned that it may have something to do with the Eclipse that just occurred last month. 😳

After I hung up, I Googled. 

And My! My! My!

Information overload! It sure was interesting. 

Some sites claim that your cycle is controlled by the moon. And  that it goes back to Bible days. 

Some say it’s all complete nonsense, and that Science can’t back up any of it. So there simply IS no reason.😐

So. Is it a coincidence? My opinion is no. But that’s just my opinion.

I guess we will never know for certain. 😔

Two Quotes 

I heard two great quotes today.

Magical things start to happen when you remove negative people from your life. You are a product of the 5 closest people in your life. Family or Friends.

Success is on the other side of comfort zone.

~I feel like I can relate to both of these quotes, as I have put them both into action this past year.  

Fundraisers to Flannels

Ten years ago; give or take, I had a very different life style. Two tweens and three kids under five had me pretty busy. Not that I’m not busy now, but it’s a different type of busy. And looking back, it’s not that I prefer one over the other. In fact, life is simply going by too fast and I wish I could rewind it and relive certain parts over again. I love life!

I’m still homeschooling my children, while teaching and encouraging others. (If they feel led)
I’m still doing fun things in my free time…golf, tennis, dining out, and of course, shopping..

Mainly things that require me to be, well, casual… which is what this little ‘thinking out loud’ post is about.

While cleaning my closet last night; something I only do twice a year, I started realizing how many dressy clothes I have.

Did I use to go to a ton of different places that required me to dress up? Not really. I just use to dress up. It made me feel a certain way.

I use to only wear dresses, skirts, and blouses.

About fifteen years of my life. Actually.

Nowadays, I live in yoga pants and Eddie Bauer tees. Or a Ralph Lauren flannel on top of an Old Navy tee.

If I want to dress up, I wear my darker black yoga pants with a blouse. Satin or lace! It’s no  brainer. And ever so 1990’s, as my children like to say. 😁

Are yoga pants a step up from blue jeans, or a step down? The jury is still out on that one…

But currently, I’m just not a blue jeans type of gal.  So a dozen pairs of black yoga pants is what I choose from.

So where does this leave all my pretty, dressy,  clothing?

Do I sell it all now? Or wait it out to see if my style changes, feeling change,  yet again…

As stated in previous posts, my life revolves around how I feel.

Things make me feel good, bad, or uncertain.  And getting dressed up each day, for the sake of just dressing up, use to make me feel good.

Now it makes me feel uncertain. 

So I try to only dress up if I’m going to be dining out somewhere other then Chick fi’lay, but I have noticed that others generally don’t dress up for dining out anymore.

Even at fancy restaurants.

People use to dress up for the movies even. But nope! Not anymore. After all… no one sees you anyways, so I guess why bother? Is that the mind frame?

I am looking around and realizing…..

Hey! I finally blend in! I really do look like everyone else now. Basic. And maybe that is A-Okay. 🙂

One of my daughters just got back from Europe. She said that everyone dresses up if they are out in the public eye.  Meaning, no sports wear attire. No leggings, sweats, and definetly no yoga pants and tees. If you are in the public eye, you look your best. And mentally,  I do love that!

This makes me question why America is different. Didn’t people use to dress up? I know for church, events, and dining out they did… but something has changed in the past couple decades.. Everyone looks the same.

And I guess I’m just late for the party, per usual. 🙃
Do you all dress the same all the time? Regardless of where you are going. 

Do you find you blend on with everyone around you? 


I have been pretty good at keeping up with my lucid dream blog, but I wanted to blog about why I think it’s important to write about your dreams. If it interests you of course. If it doesn’t, why bother. I know.

I have always had vivid, detailed, sometimes lucid night dreams.
I started writing them down when I was a pre-teen…

I took a bit of a break as a young adult, and then about 14 years ago started writing them out again.

I love how you can go back and reread them. I’ve even dreamt about people that I  met in real life, years later.

I think that’s amazingly cool!

And sometimes there are hidden messages that make total sense years after having certain dreams. Or even nightmares.

And of course there are people that I’ve dreamt about that I have yet to meet in real life. Or perhaps will never meet.

But I mostly dream about those that I currently know in real life.

And if I talk to you frequently in real life, chances are good that you will be very active in my dreams, as well as my prayers. It’s just how it has always played out.

I have only had experience with sleep paralysis a couple times in my life, but I can remember all too well how terrifying it can be.

Lately I have been having dreams about words.

This is very new to me.

Last week it started.

I was in a deep lucid sleep and saw myself laying in bed and saying the word, Inconspicuous. I was a sleep looking down at myself.

I was able to wake myself up. It was 3:30am. And I could not get the word to leave my brain.
Has anyone ever expirenced this before?

Dreaming about words instead of people?


Definition:  Obsessive-compulsive disorder is characterized by thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead to compulsive behaviors.

OCD centers on themes such as a fear of germs or the need to arrange objects in a specific manner. Symptoms usually begin gradually and vary throughout life.

People with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder have thoughts (or images) that bother them. Thoughts about making mistakes, harming someone, contamination, disease, religious preoccupation, fears of impulses or desires, or just about anything that you might consider dangerous, disgusting or dirty.

Treatment includes talk therapy, medications, or both.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and I have only had talk therapy in my life. And this was back I was first diagnosed. I realize that every circumstance is different. So I don’t  want to come off as being some sort of expert on OCD. 

I find that writing/journally about my OCD, then taking baby steps, has helped me tremendously.
 I still have things that trigger me about once or twice a month though. The triggers last for about a week. And then I try to eliminate the triggers as best as I can. More on that later…

I don’t generally talk openly about what kind of OCD I suffer from, or what things trigger, But today I woke up having experienced a few triggers this past week, so it’s been a bit worst. Hence, it’s time to chat it out. It’s quiet personal to me, so I really do not tend to share what goes through my mind with family or friends.

As a young adult I had what was considered your ‘basic’ symptoms. Or at least, the symptoms that people think of, when they hear the word, OCD.

Excessive washing of my hands and body… and wanting everything around me to be germ-free. At least in my mind. 
Air filters running throughout the house, and the constant checking of things; like the front doors, windows, etc. Making sure they were locked. And clean! Unlocking and unlocking them several times to make sure was a daily ongoing hassle.

I also had to have the cans in the cabinets lined up straight. And shoes by the front door in a nice tidy row.
Things like that brought satisfaction to my life. It really did!
I felt like I was in control. As silly as it sounds.

I’m sure many people that have come from certain types of homes could relate. People that have had parents yet to control them. If you have grown up feeling like your voice didn’t matter…I am sure you could relate.

I have been told that taking baby steps with your OCD, can be a very useful tool in dealing with it.

They say for phobias, this method works too. Afraid of spiders, go to the pet store and look at the tranchulas. Fear of heights, walk up the fire escape of a tall building to get to the roof. Just stand up there a little at a time until the fear of heights subsides. I am told that THAT would eventually cure your fear.

However, I have never been afraid of heights, so don’t hold that as gospel. But I have been on many of roof tops. Not because of the fear of heights, but the OCD thoughts of ‘what ifs’

“What if I jump, will I die?”

“Will I just break all my bones?”

Maybe some of my bones?

“How many bones would be broken?”

And which ones?

Legs? Arms?

And the compulsive thoughts then take over. *sigh*

NOT that I would ever jump off a roof!

Just to clarify.

And I have not been on top of a roof top in years, because I don’t have those particular thoughts anymore.

But I do have the fear of driving. If anyone can relate. And that has handicapped me for my entire life.

Example:  I have sat behind the steering wheel of a parked car, dozens of times to see if the bad thoughts have ceased, but they have not.

So I have chosen to refrain from driving because I would not want to play Russian roulette with my own life, let alone, anyone else’s.

Let me quickly share what happens when I sit behind the wheel of parked car. I immediately imagine it running uncontrollable off a cliff. Even if the keys are not in the ignition. Or no cliffs are anywhere in sight. It’s a horrible feeling.

My head has already drawn the mental image of the car going off the cliff with me behind the wheel! Then I die.

It is nothing that I can control, unfourtently. Then I start having trouble breathing, and generally start crying. It’s a horrible feeling,  that I have made the concoious decision to not put myself through anymore. There are a lot more OCD bad thoughts that I have regarding driving, and they are what keeps me from learning to drive. Life is too short to dwell on it though. There are too many things that I can do, so I place my focus of those things.

Getting back to what I have personally found, that helps me…

Many years ago I started surrounding myself with people who, ‘in my mind’ didn’t fit my perfect criteria to the cleanliness of a perfect life, as bad as that sounds. I realize it sounds snobby, and I apologize for that.

I was told in therapy that med-free baby steps involves a process of stepping out of ones comfort zone. Regarding my OCD..but I think it can apply with many things in life.

I don’t remember a time when OCD was not a part of me. I have some pretty vivid memories of my six year old self quietly comforting myself with it.  I saw my OCD as a special friend. Something that was never going to leave me.

And I’m told that it never truly does. I can have it under control, but it will always be a part of who I am. And it’s healthy to come to that realization.

Baby steps for me has helped so much. Especially on the area with people.

Nothing entirely bad happened. Which is what I needed to learn through the process.

But jumping in, was like jumping in front of an ongoing train. And given that my personality is more of a doer then a thinker…..The irony of that!

For me, it is easy to do a lot of things… suffering the consequences later. It’s really confusing to have OCD bad thoughts with my personality.

Act now! Think later! And that thinking part later, is what drives me up the wall. Especially of the unexpected has happened. 

Getting back to what my therapist shared with me…

After several years I accomplished my fear of people that were the opposite of me. As well as the fear of germs. For the most part.

Next task would be making my daily household more bearable. I wanted to be able to walk through my house from one room to the next without stopping to fix, or rearrange something. 

It has taken me walking by a messy pantry, or many shoes in disarray, several times…before fixing them, to teach my mind that it’s ok, Alright to see and have things not in order. Baby steps.

Then the next step would be to go to bed and try to sleep the entire night. Knowing that the pantry cans were not facing the right way. Or that everyone’s shoes by the front door were not lined up a certain way.

That took the longest time….

Normally I would get out of bed because I would not be able to fall asleep knowing that there was a mess in the other room. And Oh gosh! Don’t get me started on the sofa cushions. I still need to fix them several times a day. If I didn’t like them so much, I would remove them entirely. But I’m very fond of home Decor. My living space needs to feel a certain way. And I’m okay with that.

After years of taking baby steps, which morphed into giant steps, I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Hence me publically sharing. 🙂

While my preference is still to have the families shoes somewhat neat, and the pantry in some sort of order, it doesn’t trigger me at all anymore. I CAN sleep just fine.

I can also sleep in someone else’s messy house without organizing and cleaning for them. Or trying to fix them and their living space.

It simply doesn’t phase me anymore. Let people enjoy their own kind of caous. 😉

That said, I have yet to master my OCD bad thoughts. And it really does control me. Oh how it does!

I won’t go too deep into this one, as it is somewhat dark, but now my OCD has mainly become strings of different scenarios that rewind, and then play back in my head. Certain things that would probably never happen.

This has been a constant struggle for many years now.
For example…. I will think of a break-in or robbery and I will start to think of every possibility of how it may or may not turn out.

I use to have nightmares of myself handling a break-in or being at a store while it was getting robbed. And all the different ways it may play out.

It happens when I stay at hotels too.

My mind will  start thinking of different things that may have taken place in that particular hotel room. Or hotel.  Sometimes keeping me from falling a sleep.

Likewise while in a car. (As a passenger)

I start thinking about getting into an accident, and not being able to get out of my seatbelt. Maybe it’s jammed and locked.

Or maybe all the doors are jammed and there is no escape! And I die.
Another thing I struggle with, is something bad happening if I don’t XYZ.
Crazy things like, walking over to the air condition vent and opening it and shutting it over and over again…until I feel like its fine.
In my mind, something bad can happen if I don’t open and shut the vent over and over again.
Sometimes it’s something simple like looking at myself in the bathroom mirror.

I stand in the front of the mirror until I feel like everything is fine. Not hours on end.. just for a few moments. I need to ‘feel’ like everything is good and fine.

Sometimes I verbalize to myself that I am safe and fine during this time. And that is all it takes.

Another issue:
Clothes hangers in the laundry room is something  that I was constantly having to put in order. (past tense)

I recently changed all the hangers in the house to the same color.

Otherwise I’d have to constantly take time to stop, and put them in order. Because that would be something that really triggered me. Now they are all the same color and it is gone.

I remember as a teenager taking masking tape and labeling each hanger. One would say black leggings. One would say blue striped shirt. You get the point. The correct garment needed to me on the designated hanger.

I would never feel the need to do that nowadays, but back in the days it was what was needed in order to feel fine and have a good day.
Like many others, I like things around me too look a certain way. Mainly because it makes me ‘feel’ a certain way… and I’m a very ‘feelings’ type of person.

Tissue boxes…

I don’t spend a whole lot on tissues, but they have to be in all the rooms of my house. And the boxes have to be diagonally.

They get moved by the family throughout the week and it is a constant problem that I am  still trying to over come.

But something as silly as a  Kleenex box will and has, kept me awake at night…
It’s so odd because there are a list of things that I do not care about whatsoever. Things that bother a basic person.

I would say normal person, but what is normal…. but a figment of our imaginations.

A few things that I don’t care about, but you may…

1. I don’t have to have my bed made each day.

2. The kitchen floor needs to be swept three times a day by me… but I do not mind if what I sweep up is randomly in a corner all day, or even swept under a throw rug. Yikes! I know.
3. I don’t care if dirty dishes are in the sink. Just as long as they are only put in one side of the sink. Piled high in one sink.. and no dishes in the one next to it. Perfectly fine!

I am very keen on everything being consolidated …and to be honest, I judge people who do not know how to consolidate. It was one of the very first things I taught my kids to do. Even before learning to tie their own shoes.

4. Laundry can be clean and sitting in front of the dryer unfolded for weeks on end. No biggie, just as long as it’s clean and not dirty clothes sitting on the floor.

 I can go on… and talking about it really helps my mind sort through things.. But you get the idea.

OCD is talked about a lot in life. But  it’s mainly only about people that need everything to be clean..


Some more recent triggers that have set off my bad thoughts have been:

1. I got out of the passengers side of our SUV and on the ground was a used needle. It could have been drug related, or perhaps from a diabetic. I will never know, But that image has not left my mind with all the possible questions/scenarios that have been dancing in my head. And that was over a month ago.

2. I was at a thrift store and there was an upside down desk chair that I walked by… underneath it, were several spider cocoons.   When I looked at it, I imagined what type of spiders would crawl out and over take the thrift store if they were punctured. They looked like black widow egg sacs to me, so my mind thought up a pretty intense horror story on how they took over the store, and later the whole town.

3. I have had to stop watching news and YouTube videos about the Hurricane in Texas because I have visuals that I have seen that have been consuming my mind. Sometimes if I draw them they will leave.. but these are too graphic.


It’s not fun not being able to control your day to day thoughts. So I have been making the effort to limit what I see.

At least I have that type of control.

~Please feel free to comment about your own OCD tendencies. Or if you have a blog post about it, please share the link so I can check it out.