Depression

Depression

What do you do when you have a spouse spiraling down the drain? Depressed.

I’ve been sad before, but I don’t know that I’ve ever been legit, depressed. I thought I had, but that was before I knew what depression really was.

So it’s hard for me to understand the feelings. The way the mind is altered.

I have been reading up on it for the past week though.

Like many wives, I’ve always felt that it was my fault that my spouse was not happy.

That it meant that I had to change and make my spouse happy.

This has been the weight on my shoulders for so many years.

But I’m slowing learning that when someone is depressed, or even unhappy, it has more to do with themselves. Not you.

It’s a hard realization watching someone and listening to someone complain about every little thing in life. Someone who is never happy or positive about; well, anything.

Watching them go through counseling, but it not resulting in any real, life altering change.

You can’t help to let it eat away at you.

Especially when you are walking around thinking that life is pretty great. Despite its trials.

And when you are excited and happy, but it seems to annoy the depressed person.

For me, it’s hard not to feel what others close to me are feeling.

It’s hard to not let people and circumstances not steal my Joy. But it’s something that I’m going to continue working and praying about.

I use to read news stories about people who committed suicide because they were depressed. (Off the top of my head, I think of Robin Williams, if I’m recalling right.)

I use to think to myself… why didn’t their friends and family help them? Didn’t they care enough?

I’d think that it was their friends and families fault that they let it happen.

But no more!

Having been dealing with a depressed spouse for so long, I’m just now realizing that all the nit-picking and complaining has nothing to do with anyone other then the one in the mirror.

It’s a hard realization to come to terms with…

I just feel helpless.

Advertisements

Millennials (What can we learn?)

Millennials

If you were born in the early Eighties to the mid nineties, then your label is one. I think! πŸ€”

With traits such as,

Being overly confident.

Or at least pretending to be.

Preaching tolerance…. till the next ‘attack’….

Having a sense of entitlement,

while being incredibly narcissistic…

Demanding that everyone needs to be a winner.

No more first,second, or third place, because that causes low self esteem.

These are your basic stereotypical Millennials. Mind you…

That all seems just awful. Doesn’t it?

But what are some positive traits?

Because no Generation is perfect…we all have flaws.

I’m told that I have a lot of Baby Boomer ideas and thoughts. (I’m not a Baby Boomer, btw)

But I have always seen that as a compliment because I feel like that age group has always been most authentic.

Next to their parents, The Silent Generation. Aka’ Greatest Generation Ever…

I love spending time with older people.

Baby Boomers and up. They are my favorites.

I can listen to their stories for hours on end, absorbing every one of them!

Isn’t It ironic that many Baby Boomers are the parents of the Millennials. I’m still

Trying to wrap my head around that one.

That said, my parents are both Baby Boomers. I suppose that’s why I fall somewhere in between. I have a lot of different traits and ideas about life. And I’m forever changing them. Always self reflecting and trying to improve.

There are many things I love about what the Millennials seem to have accomplished though.

Well, besides making sandwiches and Avocado toast, daily staples. πŸ˜‰

What I admire most-is their mind frame of working less to play more.

Being your own boss.

Being financially set, and many hard working ones owning their own home before age twenty-five.

Not needing a degree to have a dream Job.

Thinking outside the box.

Not following in their parents footsteps, because that is what was expected of them.

Doers, not dreamers.

They make things happen!

I guess it’s because they are loud.

I admire that and support that 110%

I love the doers not dreamers part the most.

Trying and failing is better then not trying at all.

Risk Takers!

Millennials are risk takers.

They are not savers, but spenders.

Spending on life experiences, mostly.

We each have a huge life to live, so why not spread our wings and not limit ourselves.

I think they have a wealth of knowledge, despite all the negatives.

Again, what Generation is without flaws? Zero!

Sure, maybe they don’t know how to cook, clean, can, maintain healthy relationships, or change a tire.

But they are always in a learning mode.

After all, Google is only a click away.

Who needs a healthy relationship anyways.

Kidding of course… πŸ˜‰

Story Time:

My daughter asked me yesterday what my least favorite job as a teenager.

I told her it was when I lied, and got hired at a Home Depot type of store.

In the interview I told the guy that I knew a lot about construction.

So I had builders come in and ask me questions on how much wood they would need. Questions about different bolts and screws. Paint.

I was clueless!

I ended up quitting after two weeks.

Even if it was a high paying job, at $5.75 per hour. 😁

My daughter looked confused that I told her that I quit because I just didn’t know the answers.

She then asked me why I didn’t just Google them?! 🀣

~Tuesday~

This mornings breakfast is 1/2 cup of raw oats with Golden berries, Goji berries, Mulberries, Seeds, and some raw honey.

1 cup of green matcha tea

24oz water

And today’s vitamins…

I am going to get myself out of this funk and kill the rest of this week!! πŸ˜ŽπŸ™…

And on another note, I want this Brevile Tea maker so much! But they are so pricy. Hard to justify the cost. Maybe for Christmas.

If anyone has it, comment below and let me know how much you love it.. or not?! Lol

People who don’t deserve your time

Some people just never change, I guess.

I had recently reconnected with a friend.. despite that feeling in my gut towards them, which was still telling me…. Don’t trust! Don’t trust!

And of course– I ignored that feeling. Like I always do. Because I’m always wanting to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I keep praying that I can live the rest of my life listening to my intuition..As it’ never let me down. But then I feel bad when someone cries me a river. Ugh!

I’m just so upset with myself for always wanting to see the good in people. I know that sounds crazy!

I mean, as a Christian, we should be turning the other cheek and loving people though.

But then again, people who are in the business of using people.. rarely change…

I really, REALLY, need to come to terms with this.

Vent over

Off to the Landfill

I purchased a lot of vintage earrings from eBay for a early Birthday gift for myself. (10pairs)

On the way out of the house the other day I got the mail and opened them up in the car.

I took a moment and marveled at how dainty and pretty they all were. Then I placed them back in the bubbled envelope, and put them on the car dash.

When we got home it was cold and we had groceries to bring in…so I Β had forgotten to bring in the earrings. The following day DH cleaned the car and the envelope got tossed.

Yesterday while getting ready to go out for the day I wanted to wear a pair… then I remembered they were in the car…but nope. But they were no longer in the car….

Off to the landfill they were.

I realize material possessions are all replaceable, but I’m sad. I’m just sad.
/p>

Friday (Journal Entry)

First world problems. I know.
I’ve been a bit more stressed as of late.

 Meaning, the past week. 

I kind of feel like I know why, but then all the little, somewhat silly things add to it. 

Between homeschooling, wife & mother, the gym, and reselling full time, I have very little time for myself. 
Things that are simple, yet bring me joy, keep getting pushed to the curb. And when I do have the free time to do them; I’m simply too tired. 
Such as- 

Perming my eyelashes

Coloring my hair

Doing my nails

Making appointments

Returning phone calls & texts

Or just chilling out like everyone else, watching Stranger Things. 

I read that another blogger started Hallmark movies, and I can’t even bring myself to watch them, because for the past five years that was something I would do with my two eldest daughters. And they both are rarely home anymore. And my two younger daughters don’t like watching TV. 

I did go ahead and purchase several of our favorite ones though, so when my daughters are home for the Holidays, we can binge watch together. Love at the Christmas table is one of our very favorites. It just never gets old. ❀️

I miss not being busy. And I feel bad for saying that. Because busyness means you have a life!

 Or so I’m told. 😐
They say that the more free time a person has the more time they have to think and dissect every little aspect of their life.. Instead of leaving it at the cross.

We have all been there before..and sometimes it’s not the best place for one to be. 

 I’m always tell my kids to strike while the irons hot, for we don’t know what tomorrow brings. 
Things change quickly, that I feel you must do everything you can now. 

People’s finances and health are the first two things to go. Generally speaking. 
So if you are capable to getting everything done now, then you should. Which includes bucket lists. Feel blessed because you are still capable to be busy.

Waiting only leads to regrets.. and no one has time for that, also.

I don’t want this to come off as complaining; more so, thinking out loud…. 
Life.
Time.

They sure do throw you a lot of curve balls.

Therefore we need to keep striving. Whether we fail or not.. keep on going! 

And on a brighter note, I am planning our December and January vacations right now. 

Also, look at this fabulous breakfast I’m about ready to indulge in. I have been drinking a gallon of water a day for the past week. 

And I actually have a drinking water support group. What has my life become?! Lol
This Breakfast for Champions includes:

Quart of water

Starbucks carmel Coffee with carmel Almond creamer.

Green Smoothie: Swiss chard, kale, Spinich, banana, chlorella, turmeric, and water.  

1/2 cup of plain Cabot Greek yogurt topped with Raw chocolate nibs, frozen raspberries and raw honey.
Vitamins are split into every quart of water I drink. There here are 4 omegas and two herbal thyroid tabs. 

With my kids being older, they prepare their own breakfasts when they wake up. I try to have my morning breakfast and devotion beforehand. 

 

A book, A big book…

Yes. I’m still in bed sick, so writing is a must…

And on a side note, this stuff here….Well, it makes you feel very good. Personally, it blows NyQuil out of the water.

It’s Walmart brand too. Only $3.74 a box. Not a bad price to knock your symptoms to the curb…so you can get on with your life…


<A Book. A Big Book~

I’ve always viewed my life as a book. I bet a lot of people do. Not a small one either. 

A great big book. A thick book. (Awe yes, water. BIG water..;) Sorry, couldn’t help myself there. That news clip is still fresh in my mind….
Life is a beefy book-
War of the worlds, 

Moby Dick, 

War & Peace.. you get the point. 

 I use to see my life as one long chapter. I use to be sad when people would come in and out of my life. I also use to be sad when I’d dive into a hobby and learn all about it…. then get bored a couple months later, moving on to another hobby.

I have a lot of empathy, and I have always seen it as an asset to my life. Yet, nowadays, not so much. There is a fine line where empathy towards others can consume your whole inner being. You start to feel drained. As if you have nothing left to give. Anyone! You simply…stop loving. 

So there needs to be a balance. 
Life for me now is still a long book. 

But one with many ‘mini’ chapters. Short chapters. Some poems. Even quotes.

And you know, 

I wouldn’t have it any other way.
During spiritual growth, or any growth, really… you out grown things. You stop relating to things that you once were able to relate to. 

Hobbies, People, likes, dislikes. 

You change. For the better.

You evolve.

And at the risk of sounding too new agey, you go through metamorphosis-like stages over and over and over again. 
I still love people. I also still love trying new things and diving in…face first. 

Life excites me again!
And I hope you all are not only living the best version of yourself, but enjoying the life you have chosen for yourself. 

Don’t lose your JOY in living! 

Meditate and Pray. Find your perfect balance.

Half of my life is over…

I’ve been sick in bed this past week and it’s  given me a time to reflect on the last ten years of my life.

My birthday is coming up next month, which makes me well aware, that half of my life is probably over. Providing, I live to be a ripe old age.

Ten years ago I hoped I’d make it to age seventy. But as you get older, and really start enjoying who you are, and how much of life there is still to live, you want to live a longer life. You want to see more. Do more. Experience more!  

At least that’s how it’s been for me. 

Looking back at my life ten years ago, I was a mess!  I thought I had it all figured out, but looking back only ten years ago, danggg! I was a mess! But I’m really alright with coming to this conclusion ten years later. 

Some things that I would have liked to tell myself ten years ago:

1. Stop giving people your time who do not value it. Save it for the people who do. 

2. Don’t get so upset over things that are out of your control.

3. Be a leader, never follow. (Unless it’s Christ.)

4. Be comfortable with who you are. 

5. Do what you love, even if it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, or even if you suck at it. If you enjoy it, do it! πŸ˜‰

And that’s probably it. Nothing too major. 
Now back to sleep. I have a big day tomorrow, which means mind over matter, theraflu, and a smile. πŸ™‚

We are celebrating my daughters 21rst Birthday in style tomorrow. Just thinking about her, and how far she has come in this past year. Makes my eyes tear up. 

I’m so proud of her. I’ve managed to raise a Boss Girl! She’s just remarkable. 

#13 Lattes’ and Cookies

Yesterday went nothing as I had planned. A prime example on why I stopped planning years ago.

I didn’t finish my book, in fact, I didn’t read at all. 
I did manage to get the rest of every thing in the house listed. No death pile whatsoever.

I didn’t go to the gym, or miniature golfing. πŸ˜”And the weather has been just beautiful! 71 all day. 

I did spend lots of time with my kids. Always a good thing. πŸ™‚

My husband came home we went to the dry cleaners to drop a couple coats off. 
Also, 

I bought a vintage fur stole last month to resell, but I can’t for the life of me figure out what type of animal it is from. I payed up on it. $20

Here are some pictures:

I thought it was mink, initially, but the dry cleaners said it may be chinchilla. I’ve heard of a chinchilla, but admit, I had to google it what they looked like. 

My guess was fox. It feels nothing like rabbit fur, and doesn’t appear to have been dyed.

I can’t get it dry cleaned without having it authenticated. 

Apparently, I can take it to a taxidermist to have them verify what kind of animal it is. So I plan to do that next week. If anyone has any ideas though, please share.

Okay,

I then had a store return, and since we were in the city, we went out to dinner afterwards.  

Sage Brush Steakhouse

Nothing fancy, but pretty good.
I’ve never been there before. A friend told me how good they were, so wanted to give them a try. 

The atmosphere was so, so…Kind of old timey. But the service and the food was super.  

Afterwards, I went sourcing…Which I said I wasn’t going to do. 😏

 I won’t complain, because I did score some great shoes to resell. 

Banana Republic gold flats. Size 9.5

Cap Toe Stewart Weizman flats size 7m

Pointy black Madewell flats. Size 11

Black leather Birkenstocks. Size 34

Black patent leather Tommy Hilfiger 4″ loafers. Size 10m

And the cutest pair of Anthropologie bird themed flats. If they were only my size. They are from Anthropologie. Size 9.5


$20 total, and I should be able to flip them all for $130 
I also picked up a Lularoe swing tee. Size XL

And a linen Ralph Lauren polka dot blouse. Size 2x

So it was worth the thirty minutes of shopping, for certain. πŸ˜€
Afterwards, we were going to go to the movies, but we couldn’t agree on what to see, so we went to Starbucks for cookies and lattes’

Pumpkin Spice Latte’

Maple Pecan Latte’


Fall Harvest Fox cookie.
It was a very good night….Even though it didn’t go as planned. πŸ¦„