Holiday Edition: It’s not only you.

It’s not only you.

Sometimes it helps knowing that you are not alone regarding circumstances within your family.

Having not seen or spoken with one of my daughters in nearly two years has had me thinking about how many families across the nation have, or are in this same circumstance. Yet, never talk about it.

I miss my daughter terribly. I miss her voice. I miss her smile. I miss her jokes. I miss her! We disagree on pretty much everything, but I still love her to death.

I’m open about all of this because I want people to know that they are not alone. Even though sometimes it feels as though we are the only one with a broken family. I use the work broken, because broken can be fixed.

After spending this past year asking some friends who seem to have all their ’ducks in a row’ sort of speak, I have not found one family that has no dysfunction within it.

I hate using the term black sheep of the family, as that is the term I have always heard it called when I was a child. 😐

Often times during the Holidays there would be that one person that was very much part of the family but had decided to distance themselves from their family at some point. Coining the term, Black Sheep of the family.

I have a cousin that has traced our family back to the 1800’s and has kept many notes. She knows all our skeletons in closet.

She says that there is not one family where there has not been one person that has left.

It’s an ongoing cycle. One that I really believed I would break. But nope!

When I think of my parents and their siblings, I can think of the one on each side who stepped away from the family.

My mom and my dad each have estranged siblings.

I have an estranged brother myself.

And now my kids have an estranged sister.

Both of my best friends each have estranged brothers.

During prayer recently a Sunday school teacher was asking for prayer for her estranged son.

He left her family at age 20, and is now in his 30’s she said.

He has not come back yet.

She said she still sets out a dinner plate each Christmas for him and the whole guest room of unopened Birthday and Christmas gifts from the past decade.

Getting back to my cousin who knows all about our distant family….her son is estranged from her. Her daughter is not, but just remains on speaking terms with her so that she had someone to cook and clean for her family.

A matter of selfishness. We all seem to have that one family member that sucks us dry too, and just uses us.

I have an aunt that has three kids. She has one son who doesn’t speak to her.

I have an uncle who has only one daughter, and she foesbg speak to him. Both of my grandparents didn’t speak to their parents.

I have another close friend who has a sister she never speaks with and her hue and also has a brother and a sister who never co es around.

So many broken families with people not fighting for what is important in life, and that is family.

I imagine that the ones that walk away from us, are also the ones who bail on their marriages and other relationships, instead of seeking counseling and working through the good times and bad. It’s just so easy to quit and give up. Sadly, It’s a throw away world.

So you see, life will never be a Hallmark movie. (But I still love watching them)

The news recently said that watching Hallmark movies increases your serotonin levels because they comfort us during the Holidays when what we want most of all, is to be with our loved ones.

Watching all these happy endings makes us feel good. And we all gave that, at least.

You are not alone this Holiday season…. Missing some e who has walked away.

November 11, 2019

Two more gifts to buy and I’m done with my Holiday shopping.

It’s been a hectic year but the Lord is turning things around for his glory. As he always does.

•This past week has been a lot of family fun. We started baking and watching Christmas movies together. We see also going through the Under the Dome series with my three teens. They are so in to the storyline.

•We will be heading to the Mall tomorrow to check out what’s new and then find it cheaper online. 😁 It’s just fun to browse.

•My best friend is coming back from Texas at the end of the week. She’s been gone for a month. Then In two weeks, we will be off to Pennsylvania for a Thanksgiving get together with some old friends. We have not been up that way in years and are really looking forward to it.

•The weather here has now dropped to the 20’s. We got some flurries earlier but that is about it.

Time to break out all the winter coats and attire. I bought myself four new sweaters this season and a pair of cashmere gloves. I’m really making an effort to look put together again. I feel as you age, you tend to slack off with whet you wear, and in return, it makes you feel lazy in other areas of your life. Working at home does not require me to get dressed up, do I generally throw on some yoga pants and a tee. No shoes or makeup. I’m trying to find a balance.

•I have been so much more productive since changing my ADHD medicine. My doctor doubled it completely. It has been a full month now and I have pleasantly surprised. It is hard to believe that one can feel this good.

I was taking one that just took the edge off and made me tired all the time. But after much prayer, I decided to give something else a try and I’m so had that I did.

I remember in third grade a teacher told my mom that I definitely had ADD, but my mom disagreed, and that was the end of that.

That said, I’m glad that I was not put on this medication at such a young age.

I think that is when the body has more side effects. Not to mention that a child’s brain is still developing and then adding a medication that messes with the brain…

So I’m happy to have made the decision myself as I’m adult.

What else?

That is basically my life update for this week.

Everything happens for a reason, and I’m trying to focus on the bigger picture to see what the Lord has planned next.

A Day in my Life

With Thanksgiving now approaching us I have decided to start focusing on all of my daily blessings.

My daily routines, that are seen to many people as mundane, are very much blessings in my life. As we age we care less and less about how others view us. I remember my friend Carnie telling me this back in 2003. Of course my young inexperienced self could not imagine this ever being true, but Praise the Lord that it is.

Below are two verses that have been close to my heart.

Psalm 5:3

“In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.”

I don’t generally wake up and kiss the morning dew, sort of speak, as I’m not a morning person. After all, it was noon when Jesus met the Samaritan woman at the well. Not the crack of dawn. 😉

I do cherish my nights though.

Being a ”feeler type” (Empath) of person, there are certain feelings that attach themselves to almost everything I do.

So much so, if I’m having a bad day and wearing a red sweater during that day, the red sweater become associated with the bad feelings of the day.

This means that the sweater will either get thrown to the back of the closet for a season or get sold on one of the selling platforms I use for work. Thankfully there are more good days then bad.

Getting back to my basic day….

By the time I climb into bed my mind feels very content and my heart fills with much love on most nights. I feel a mental sense of peace. A peace that I would never be able to achieve without God in my life.

John 14:27 ”Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled.”

I have become very happy with the nightly process I go through to get ready to go to bed each and every night.

Yes, I have many steps that have become my own solid routine. One in which brings me much JOY!

After dinner, I spend quality time with my kids.

I’m currently going through a couple of series with them.

Full House and Family Ties, along with the occasional Gilligans Island. Sometimes we play Scrabble or RummiK. I leave it to you them to choose.

After a couple hours they go off to bed.

Then my oldest and I shop talk and share our Poshmark closets, and watch Either, The Love Boat or Golden Girls.

Yes! Lots of entertainment. But I have found it to lead to many of good conversations with the kids.

My husband goes to bed early because he takes do early, so we have quality time when he gets home from work.

Sometimes we all go for dinner, othertimes the movies, over to a friend’s house or out for a hike, or like today, we all went swimming together.

Around 11pm I start my nighttime routine that I look forward to each night.

Night Routine:

I close all the curtains and drapes in the house. I make sure the doors and windows are locked.

I give the kitchen counters one last wipe down.

I check the stove to make sure it’s off and wiped down.

I peek in the laundry room to see if there are any clothes that need to be transferred.

I pour myself a glass of water and prepare a tea.

I take the water and tea and place it next to my bed table.

I take a few sips of the tea, and then save the rest for the morning.

I don’t care that it gets cold.

I place my thyroid medicine next to the water, because at some point when I wake in the middle of the night from a dream, or to use the restroom that is when I take the thyroid medicine.

This medicine needs to be taken on a completely empty stomach and you can’t eat for a couple hours afterward.

So in the middle of the night is what works.

I then head to my bathroom and take down my hair and brush it.

I remove my makeup if I’m wearing any.

I wash my face with Dr. Bronners or Soap & Glory face cleanser.

Then I use a face mask of some kind.

Currently, it’s one by Kate Somerville.

Last week it was Glam Glow.

I change them up on the weekly.

Then I use a toner my face and put eye cream and vitamin C serum on it. Currently it’s all by the brand Sunday Riley.

I then use a lip scrub made by Sara Happ. Nothing else compares.

And lastly, a healthy dose of Sara Happ lip slip lip balm.

After that, I change into my nightgown and spritz myself with rose water, which makes me feel cozy and fresh after a long day.

By this point it is generally midnight.

I climb into bed and fluff my two pillows, after deciding which two to use that night.

We have eight bed pillows on our King size bed.

All different levels of firmness to softness.

Having so many pillows is also a blessing to me. They add to the nightly experience. My kids also have many on their beds. My youngest has said that she feels extra cozy with do many too. 🥰

I then decide which comforter I want to use that night.

Yes! Another blessing.

My husband is fussy with blankets and uses the same one each night. But have three.

One is a lightweight cotton quilt, one is a heavier afgan, and one is one of those weighted blankets that weighs 15lbs.

I like the variety.

After deciding, I feel a sense of ultimate comfort and settle in for the night.

I try to not wake hubby so I leave the light off during all of this.

I then settle in with my headphones and watch a couple educational YouTube videos while rolling my eyes over which videos are trending. Why I ask? Why?

This weeks trending videos have been about a guy who planted 20k trees in mind craft. Apparently, it was a spoof of another video of a guy who actually planted 20k trees.

Then we had someones baby shower video trending, a couple K-pop music Videos, and some life mistakes videos that were trending.

I rarely watch the trending videos. I just read the titles after catching up on the videos that I subscribe too.

After this, I put my phone to charge for the night and pray specifically for my family and friends.

I also use this time to talk to God.

God speaks to us in a whisper but is clearer when we are suffering and going through trials it seems.

I ask the Lord questions and then remain quiet to hear answers.

During this one on one God, I sometimes have visions but not every night. I then pray over the visions.

I generally fall asleep sometime between 1am-2am.

Yes, I started this blog backward, but that is okay. My ADHD always has my mind starting at the end and working my way back.

I generally start my day at 8 am.

My kids are much older now, so they are capable of getting themselves up and starting their day without my help.

When I wake up..I start my morning prayers. I also turn on my sunlight that was prescribed by my sleep specialist.

Then I use a electronic back massager that resembles a power drill but works amazingly on my sciatica.

I finish my tea and water that was placed by my bedside the previous evening.

I use a jade roller on my lymph nodes and face while in bed. I’m not actually sure if this does anything beneficial but it’s relaxing and it feels good do why not. Then I check my nightly sales, answer emails/texts and scan Twitter. I also get random strangers messaging me on my selling platform asking me how to start up.

Many people would not bother answering and just ignore, but I take the time to help. Over the Summer I actually led one of the women that messaged me to Christ. We talked for over a month, as she was ill, and eventually passed away. I’m blessed to have had the opportunity to have talked to her.

Okay, so I do lay in bed for almost an hour, before heading to the bathroom to shower, shave, and brush my teeth.

I keep a tiny refrigerator in my bathroom, as shown below. This homes my digestion/probiotic shots, Along with some kale and lemon-ginger juice. I choose one each morning!

I always have praise & worship music on during this morning bathroom routine. Sometimes I use Spotify.

Other times I play from my churches website, or just through the Klove APP.

After my shower, I self-tan if I feel the need too, and put my Retin-A, Tumeric oil, Vitamin C oil, and a bit of makeup on for the day.

For some women, so many little tasks seem meaningless, or maybe tedious to do on the daily, but for me it is self-care. Something I enjoy.

As well as a blessing to have the time to do all these tasks each day.

It was not always this way though.

When my kids were younger I was lucky to get a daily shower and shave.

But taking these steps and making them into my own self-care routine has made them into something I look forward to doing each and every day.

After the above, I go choose my outfit according to what I think I may be doing that day. If its out sourcing, I go for yoga pants and a graphic Tee and sneakers.

If I’m going to be home, it’s yoga pants and a blouse.

After that I head out to start my morning.

I check on the kids, who do Computer School.

I then sweep the kitchen floor and tidy up the kitchen.

I start wash if need be, and open up all the curtains.

Sometimes I’ll step outside and breath in the country air.

I then make sure the cats have food and water.

Then I either eat breakfast, or pull my nightly sales.

Presently, I sell about 5-10 things a day.

I sell on three different platforms.

If I pull my sales first, I put them on the table to wrap later, and then eat breakfast.

Breakfast is either eggs & toast, Apple oatmeal, Plain Greek Yogurt with raspberries and honey, Avacado & Tomato Toast, or a protein shake.

Whichever I feel like each morning. Again, a blessing to have so many options.

After breakfast my oldest daughter and I exchange any work related videos or news reports that we have come across since last speaking.

Then we decide who will work first.

Work involves washing, drying and steaming all the clothing items we resell. We also use at-home dry cleaning kits for all the coats and wool items.

It also involves polishing handbags, shoes and boots with mink oil.

Basically, giving old things that most would consider no good, and toss out, a brand new life!

It is the ultimate recycling business that keeps thousands of things off our landfill each year. Another Blessing!

I just checked my bookkeeping. I have sold just over two thousand things this past year!

And my daughter sells more then I do. That is a lot of recycling!

I generally let her work first.

We have one room that is set up with a professional backdrop and photo lights. It’s a tight squeeze, but it works and I’m blessed to have it.

We also both have mannequins that we use.

We also have started selling hardwoods these past few months, so use a card table with a backdrop to take our pictures on.

Hard goods consist of Fine china, silver, coffee cups, picture frames, etc.

Three of us cook now, so who’s ever turn it is to cook a hot meal that day starts around 1 or 2.

If the kids finish school before DH comes home, we do reading together and talk about life.

Today we read a few chapters of Moby Dick and talked about why the world keeps trying to emasculate women and feminize men.

Also, why feminists are not really about women‘s rights but seem to shame us women who really want and desire to be a stay at home wife or full-time mother. Or even choose to work at home. Why must we be shamed?

I really dislike all the division.

The kids have daily time to play on their Xbox while I journal or blog.

While doing so, I count my blessing once more.

How much of a blessed life that the Lord has given me, and how at times I have been blinded to his blessings whilenoff doing my own thing, leaving my eyes glued shut..

All because of selfishness.

Praise God that as we grow more to his likeness, our selfish tendencies start to melt away. At least this is how I’ve been experiencing it all.

Thinking about these times makes me feel grateful.

And knowing this sort of peace is rewarding.

When my life is enlined with Gods Will, there is a remarkable Thanksgiving that shines.

Darkness and Light will never be able to coexist.

And lately, when I feel hurt or sad the Lord himself lifts me off the ground and helps me to stand again. Brushing me off and renewing my spirit.

And each time this has happened to me I feel stronger and stronger. I feel as though I’ve really become intuned with the actual feeling that is attached to each episode.

Another wondering Blessing!

James 4:8 has always resonated with me.

You will deney me 3x

When my daughter was born I suffered from post pardtum depression. So much so, that I had to stop breastfeeding in order to take Zoloft while undergoing therapy.

Immediately after my daughter was born, my new daughter just never seemed to be comforted by anything, not even by me. After an easy and effortless pregnancy two years prior I felt like a failure the second time around because my new baby just seemed so different and would not connect with me.

Maybe she sensed my sadness and stress, but whose to know for sure. I felt heartbroken that my new baby was not accepting my love for her. She just always seemed to be zoned out and distant.

After weeks on meds, and trying to always comfort my new baby, nothing got any better.

One day while I was standing in our kitchen holding this tiny bundle of joy, who was wailing her tiny self out… I looked down and kissed her tiny forehead, then began to pray over her.

Dh walked in and saw me crying and asked if I was okay. I said no, I was not okay.

I told him that this little baby was going to break our hearts when she got older.

As soon as the words came out of my mouth I thought about Mathew 26:34.

As soon as my mind went to this verse, I prayed it away and asked God why that verse came into my head at such a trying time for us.

I then became filled with the ultimate mom guilt over thinking it, and that my new baby who I loved with all my heart would ever do me/us wrong, or worst, hate our very core.

During the first five years of my daughters life, we almost lost her twice.

The first time was at five months after getting her MMR vaccine. Within 24 hours she was hospitalized. I remember how frail she looked being hooked up to the breathing machines. I honestly thought the Lord was calling her home. The pain was unbearable.

But she was a fighter and came back stronger then ever!

The second time was when she was five years old. She was having some unexplained issues which led us to many doctors. No one could explain her tummy issues, headaches, and ongoing fevers which eventually led her to full-blown pneumonia.

She seemed to be sick for weeks and weeks on end. And when she got somewhat better, she came down with an awful cough that last several years. She saw numerous doctors and no one could figure it out. They treated her with different types of cough syrups and antibiotics for these years.

If that was not enough, she then came down with juvenile arthritis at age 8,and had to get weekly shots.

To this day, I swear this was all due to that vaccination that damaged her immune system at such a young age.

Currently, she is now an adult and has chosen to walk a different road with her life.

Fast Forward: I have five children.

Who’s my prodigal son? This very daughter.

This year the very unthinkable happened.

This child contacted the state and made false claims against her family.

We have not seen, nor spoken to this child, by her own doings for more then a year.

Last Mother’s Day (2018) I had a dream about this very child. It aligned with the above verse.

And again, I prayed against it.

Several weeks after this dream, the first denial took place.

This past year the second incident happened, and then just last month, the third.

Without sharing the details, as the Lord knows…

When you think it can’t get any worst, believe me, it can and does.

I feel so very heartbroken right know.

I suggested family counseling a long time ago but our daughter is close-minded to it. She has blocked us from her life.

In case you have not realized by now, Today’s world is as easy as a block. Satan has made it that simple.

There is no loyalty or love in today’s families it seems. Everything and everyone is disposable. Even family.

Regarding these awful things that has taken place in my family and daughters life, I feel like this is either a case of brainwashing, a generational curse, a curse brought on by a wolf in sheep’s clothing, or maybe even a mental disorder. None in which I want to admit or give thought too.

I recently got confirmation that I was too easy of a parent and I’m now seeing the outcome of trying to be more of a friend, then a parent.

That there was not enough balance.

I was warned by a pastor thirteen years ago that I was much too easy of a parent and would be paying the consequences in later life.

I was also warned by many parents who saw something in my daughter that I simply did not see. I was blinded out of my love for her. I never once saw what everyone else saw. Why would I? I love my children with my whole heart and only want the best for them.

Fast forward once more:

I have now been triple smacked in the face with reality.

The reality of seeing what everyone else saw, for once.

How could I have been so blinded? I feel like such a failure right now. I’ve never experienced this much heartbreak in my entire life.

That said, I know the Lord will help my family through this trial. He has never abandoned me. I know in my heart that his will will be, and that this is not about me, even though the arrow that has been thrown feels so.

This is about character growth for my daughter. Multiple Things that she needs to get through and overcome.

Our family can use some serious prayer right now.

My Trip

I’ve been back for a couple weeks now. Arizona was just how I remembered it. Of course I don’t recall so much diversity. Not that it’s a bad thing. I’m thinking Phoenix may be a sanctuary city though.

We (My daughter and I) had five days to sightsee before the convention, which was work-related.

We stayed at an air b&b with fore others. Oddly it was a half a million-dollar house.

I will insert a picture below. Trust me when I say it’s not what you’d expect.

Very basic. Four bedrooms, three baths, on 1/3 of an acre.

It did have an in ground pool though, which was a bonus.

The weather was amazing. 80’s and 90’s but very dry so no allergies and the air was perfect. I also lived that they don’t partJe in daylight savings.

I was actually a morning person throughout the trip. Which was answered prayer.

Our days started out very early.

Here are some snap shots from the trip.

Behind the Scenes

I’m feeling so torn over something that happened at Church last Sunday.

I’m not sure why it’s bothering me so much. I’ve been trying to pray it away, but I’m still torn.

Sunday-

During baptism I was standing at the alter with a bunch of others. Prayer and worship was happening and songs we’re being belted out.

In the mist of worship, the assistant pastor passed along the side of where I was standing.

He was tring to motion to his wife, who was doing the baptizing that morning.

The motioning of his hands to his wife broke my attention to the band that was singing on the stage.

He told his wife to ”HURRY IT UP”

I read his lips.

Then his wife said, ”I’m trying”

I am sure I’m not the only one who noticed. Or perhaps I was the only one who was bothered by it. 😔

I generally never stand up by the alter, but the past few times that I have, I have noticed how everything is never random, like I have thought all these years.

It feels very orchestrated and planned out. Right down to each song and things people on stage share at particular times to get people to let go, feel, etc.

An example of this would be a sadder song being sung and then a louder upbeat song sung.

Once some of the people start shouting or verbally praising out loud, that is when someone on the stage says that God has now entered the room and is asking for everyone to let go and praise the Lord louder and not hold back.

Again, I’m not NOT happy with our church. I’m getting fed.

But ever since I’ve sat in the front it’s been hard not to notice these things. The things that the majority of folks are not witnessing/seeing.

Lots of hand motions to everyone on the stage. Sometimes motioning to say another line to a song. (I have noticed this when the congregation starts to get extra loud)

And by repeating a song line or two, it seems to get more of a reaction by the members.

I never noticed any of these things sitting farther back.. I am now upset that I’ve witnessed so much.

This has me wondering if the families whom I was once close too, but have now left the church, noticed these things also, and then could not remain blinded.

It now feels like at the weekly church meetings, all this is planned out ahead of time.

Like someone starts the meeting with, ”What should we do this Sunday?” ”How should we make people feel?” ”Whats going to be beneficial for us?”

And that is just speculation of course.

And if that’s not enough, they brought back our senior pastor this past Sunday, who is currently on an overdue personal leave until mid October.

He came back this past Sunday, only to get up on stage and tell the congragation that offerings have been down by almost half, since he’s been on personal leave, and that he needs people to give a couple hundred more that day.

Then thanked everyone. And left! 😳

Again, everyone loves the senior pastor, so coming from him instead of one of the other pastors, would possibly move the people to give more.

I don’t think he felt good about it, but since he is employed by the church, it was most likely asked by the higher-ups to come back to say this.

Has anyone else ever experienced any of these things? Advice?

I’m not naive, I know every church has it’s politics, etc.

But that said,

How do people that work for the church turn a blind eye to the manipulation parts?

Which Bible would have Christopher Columbus read?

If Christopher Columbus was born in the 14th century and may have heard or read this Bible verse before his journey, which translation would it have been?

Isiah 40:22-

It is He who sits above the circle of the earth, And its inhabitants are like grasshoppers, Who stretches out the heavens like a curtain, And spreads them out like a tent to dwell in.

The Geneva Bible was fifty-one year’s before the King Janes 1611.

And before the Geneva Bible it would have been manuscripts from Johannes Gutenberg, I assume. 🤔

Overweight People

My DH made a comment before we visited his country about weight.

I thought it was interesting so decided to share.

He said people back home are going to assume he’s struck it rich, because if you are overweight, people think you have plenty of money for food.

This got me thinking of all the many reasons people are overweight.

1.You have enough money to have all your meals out. Or you use Uber Eats on the daily and don’t exercise at all.

On a side note, I’ve noticed that my friends that eat out once or more per day are generally overweight.

My family eats out about 3x a week, and I feel it!

2. In America, sometimes you are overweight because you don’t have money to purchase healthy organic foods, relying on pasta, Ramon, and heavily processed foods.

That said, countries that live off of brand and rice (both starchy) are generally not over weight. 🤔

3. Other times you are overweight because of your health. Many prescription medications slow down your metabolism so much, that one of the side effects is weight gain.

Regardless of your exercise regimen.

I’m sure there are other reasons, but these are the ones that came to mind.

Its only Hair

I have been dying my hair since my thirteenth Birthday.

My natural hair is a mousy blonde with red highlights.

I became obsessed with color after my favorite

Aunt flew up from Florida to visit us one-year while living in Connecticut.

My beautiful, free-spirited, gypsy- carefree, earthy-crunchy Aunt who I dreamt of becoming some day was visiting us, and I was beyond excited to spend time with her.

I remember at age 9 or 10, stealing her hair barrette that she left on her kitchen counter, thinking it would help turn me into her and make me beautiful someday.

Aunt Edie had long blond, goldie locks hair, big boobs, sunkissed skin, a house full of kids, with her stereo always blaring county music.

If that wasn’t enough chaos, you could also hear her two white doves hanging out the living room of her tiny trailer. As a kid, I always thought of having a tiny trailer of my own someday. I loved the thick gold shag carpet.

The Doves had a purpose. They were used for her magic shows.

I also envied my aunts gypsy style wardrobe, from her wood stock days. Along with her overflowing vanity full of Avon makeup.

On my way to school on morning I took this picture of her.

Sure she’s not smiling and looks anything but pleased, but I still look at it and smile.

I wonder what she was really thinking at that moment?!

At the time, I thought her life was the epitome of perfection.

I wanted to grow up and be just like her.

Of course things are not always as they appear on the surface, as I learned in later life.

That said…

She never showed distress or unhappiness to me..

She was the happy person, always making others feel as they were number one when she was around. Selfless and just so beautiful!

Times were so different back then.

But getting back to HAIR. 🙃

One day, while she was visiting us I asked her how she got her hair so ’Marilyn Monroe-ish’

The color was so light and pretty, so different then my undecided roots.

She told me she bleaches it.

I was twelve at the time, and my mother’s gallon of Clorox bleach in the linen closet was the picture that my mind formed.

I waited until my 13th birthday, which was shortly after starting Jr. High.

I wanted to reinvent myself again, as another school year was in full swing.

I had a terrible crush on the boy next to my locker, who also happened to sit right behind me in homeroom. Joshua.

Amazing that we still recall people’s names from so many years ago.

One day after school I called my best friend Jennie and asked her to come over to help me bleach my hair.

We took the whole gallon of Clorox bleach and slowly began to pour it over my head in the kitchen sink.

It started to burn, but I quickly recalled the phrase, ”Beauty sometimes hurts”

I read that in all the beauty magazines for years.

Thst, along with remembering the day I borrowed my Aunt Edies Epilady,

I knew that to be true. 😬

About halfway through the Clorox pour, chunks of hair began falling out into the kitchen sink.

I had my eyes closed and remember Jennie saying, ”Missi, hmmm. I’m not sure we are doing it right, maybe we needed to wet your hair first.”

I quickly opened my eyes and saw much of my hair detached from my head in the stainless steel kichen sink.

I had her stop pouring and I turned the water on and began wetting and rinsing my hair quickly.

But it was too late to turn back. Chunks of hair were already missing.

I rinsed and rinsed some more. Shampooed and conditioned.

Then blow-dried.

I looked at myself in the mirror and was in disbelief.

Jennie’s response to me was, ”Well, Joshua will at least notice you now Missi.”

I started to cry. How was I suppose to go to school looking like this?

I called my Aunt and told her what happened.

She sympathized and told me about hair color. That it was ’a thing’

She told me to style my hair with hair gel and wear a scarf or thick headband until it grew back, and that is would look cute and fresh!

So optimistic! Another trait that she had!

Then she told me to call my mother at work to tell her what happened but please not mention that she told me she bleaches her hair, or she’d get blamed for my doing.

I was scared.

Jennie went home and it was getting late.

My older brother came home and just stood and looked at me for a moment.

I asked him if it looked cute, as I had a hair band in it.

He said if I think it does, then it does. 😐

I ended up calling mom at work and she said that she’d handle with me later.

That night I got grounded, and was made to go to school the next day. Mom did order a wig for me though.

Here is me with my new wig:

And my favorite lipstick, Covergirl, Hint of bronze gloss, which I recently found a new old stock tube of. 🙆‍♀️

The Day

While putting my school books in my locker, Joshua was at his locker next to mine.

I tried not to smile at him and say Hi, but he noticed me!

Maybe it was because on all the other mornings I said Hi, and on that morning I didn’t. I had a black hat on and did not say anything or make eye contact with him.

He said Hi to me.

But I ignored him.

I went into homeroom and sat down.

He sat down behind me.

I then heard, ”Missi. HEY! GOOD MORNING!”

I could not believe that he was actually striking up a conversation with me.

All the other mornings.. When I said hi, or tried to talk to him, I’d only get a Hey, back. Just barely.

So I decided to ignore him still.

But then he did something I couldn’t ignore.

Yep! He grabbed my black hat off of my head in front of the whole, now filled, classmates.

Kids started laughing.

Mr B, walked in and hushed everyone.

Joshua asked me what happened.

Humiliated, I just went with it, and said I bleached it.

He stopped laughing, and asked me why, and said I had pretty hair before and why change it.

In my mind I was thinking, ”Wait, you mean you actually noticed?”

I took my hat back and put it back on my head, feeling confused by his comment. Also pretty mad.

The teacher gave the morning announcements, and Jennifer, the smart straight-A, girl in front of me who use to let me cheat off her sometimes, turned around and told me that Joshua had a crush on me. She said she overheard him and another boy talking, weeks prior.

Shocked. I just zoned out. She had to be lying! I thought to myself.

After the mornings announcements, we were all dismissed.

I went back to my locker, as Joshua was also at his. I felt him looking at me, so just looked up.

He told me that it would grow back, and it was really not a big deal, that it was only hair and that I was pretty still.

I learned so much from that single day.

Or have I….

Here I am, two weeks after my $100 perm. I’m smiling so I must be happy..😉

And as I look in the mirror at this frizzy mop, I can still hear Joshua saying, ”it’s no big deal Missi. It’s only hair, it will grow back”

I have hoped to have a similar style like this: 

And here is a snapshot a few years later, with my hair at a suitable length, deciding on a deep red color…Much like my wig.🙂

Things I gave learned in my 40’s

Things I gave learned in my 40’s:

1. Knee/sciatica pain is a real thing.

2.The handicap bathrooms railings are there for a reason.

3.Urinary incontinence caused by back pain is an actually thing.

4.Chiropractors help reset your well being in a way where modern doctors can not.

5. Maintenance requires surgeries and you don’t need to suffer.

6. Monthly Mani and Pedis and self-care are game changers to how you mentally feel at times.

7. Drink and eat things you don’t like, simply because they are good for you.

8. Learn to have a filter, if you don’t want your words taken the wrong way.

9. Let people be who they are, but remove yourself from them if it changes who you are.

10. Busyness is inevitable if you want to have a productive life.

11. Be still and let things happen, because things always have a way of working out.

12. I’m more confident now then I have ever been in my life, and it feels Amazing!

13, Jesus has never failed me is my rock & salvation.