~Keeping professional in your Business~Several years ago I remember a news story about a bakery not wanting to serve a homosexual couple a wedding cake.Then there was another story of a woman who would not issue a marriage license to a gay couple. At that time in my life I was torn with it, and to be honest; up until today, I still was.I didn’t grow up in a religious household, but in later life fell into the religious trap. And when I say trap, I’m not bashing religion by any means. What I am saying is that during the time when my circle of friends were very “Pharisee-like” so was I. I just read last week that you become like the five people you mostly talk with. 🤔I had a circle of thirty or so people who were very strict and religious. They liked to refer to one another as accountability partners. Not friends! So I went from spending the first part of my life being very worldly. And then I spent the second part of my life as very judgy, to now, finding a healthy balance with people. Including myself. Fifteen years ago I was at a church where a eighty year old woman told me to never forget to… “Love them anyways.” We are called to show love. Not choose WHO deserves our love. Because we ALL do. We need to be genuine on showing this love.I had only been saved five or so years during the time this church lady shared. What she called, her LIFE MOTTO, so at the time I didn’t know what she meant, exactly. Having went the complete opposite direction for a period, I felt horrible inside. That said,I felt somehow, that God loved me a bit more then everyone else because I isolated myself against any Ungodly people. I did not understand why I felt so awful when I was earning Gods favor in the only way that I knew how. I started thinking very, for lack of better wording.. Amish. Old school Amish! To give a picture of my mind at the time..It was a very lonely journey. Romans 3:10 says:As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one. I’m not sure why I felt better then anyone else, but I suppose that is what religion can do to you.During that period of my life I met another woman who seemed to be the complete opposite of me. She loved everyone! She extended so much love to everyone and everything, that it use to make me upset inside.Yes, Upset?! 😳She would tell me that Jesus loved everyone equally. Love the sinner, hate the sin. We are all pretty familiar with that phrase.Yet at the time, I didn’t really know how that fit into my life with God. What I do know now, is that hate and discord only multiplies. And it causes so much division in this world. 😔I’m realizing that I CAN love everyone and not change the world one bit. But I CAN have everyone who crosses my path leave me a bit happier then what they were, before we crossed paths. So while it’s impossible for one person to change the worlds ways…I can make a small difference.Whether a smile or hello, or even a ten minute conversation with a stranger who is going through a hard time, and needing someone to vent to, or hear his/her story…Or like today, a transgender person.Last week I had a man reach out to me and ask for help. He told me he was currently transitioning into becoming a woman, and liked a lot of the things I was reselling online. He wanted to know if he sent me his new measurements, would I help him shop my store. My first initial thought was no, this makes me uncomfortable. So I just ignored the request. After all, I’m a Christian, and I feel like men should remain men, and women should remain women. And while I do truly believe this, it should not affect me helping someone who is asking for my help. Currently we have a Chaplain in our Sunday school class that says when he is working at the hospital he will pray and bring bibles to everyone who asks. Fine. But this also includes Muslim patients who are ill and ask him for their holy book, the Koran. On occasion, he gets asked why he brings the Koran to the Muslims. And he reply’s that here in America, we have Freedom of Religion. And had he been ill in another country, and at the mercy of the hospital staff and asked for the Bible, he would like to have it brought to him. Most likely it would not be given to him per request, but here in America we have Religious Freedom, and he would never let his personal/religious views reflect his Job and professionalism. He has also shared that he’s had Muslims at the hospital ask him about Jesus, due to his genuine love he’s extended to them. Getting back to my recent encounter…It took this Transgender man three to times reaching out to me. And it shouldn’t have. I’m currently disappointed in myself. So tonight I extended Love regardless. I remained professional and helped clothe this transsexual man. I explained to him how ladies sizing runs, and told him about different fabrics. He seemed very grateful, and told me that he’s not use to women being so helpful and nice. And placed an order with me. It was really all very simple. 🙂If anyone has a similar story, please feel free to share. I’m going to be replying back to all comments next week, as time allows.
Be warned. This is something I’ve been adding to for the past month, and will be jumping all over the place. But….🙃
~Today’s Youth & Lifestyles~
Why do today’s youth frown at having a service job? Aka’ flipping burgers; sort of speak.
Didn’t all the us that grew up in the 80’s want to work so damn bad, that whether it was in a fast food joint, or cleaning up animal messes, if we got a pay check, we were all in!
Could it be because we were use to doing without?
People always question why? Why don’t kids want to start at the bottom?
I fall into this category too.
Most fast food places that I go to are basically run by the 40+. I always am confused by this.
Oftentimes I think it’s because more kids are in college full time until they reach thirty. Many remain at home and don’t work at all. I think I have found a couple puzzle pieces to this. Of course I could be wrong.
But….back in the days when we started removing both parents from the home, more often then not, out of necessity. I realize this.
By having both parents working, and hourly wage improving, parents had more money then their grandparents. More money coming into the home,eventually meant more vacations, toys, etc.There came a point, and I think it really took off in the early 90’s… where parents started providing more for their kids. Whether this was out of guilt, for not being around after school for them, or tucking them in at night…
Regardless, the more kids received, set the stage for MORE! MORE! MORE!
Always wanting more.
They saw their parents not saving for anything anymore, simply charging it.
Long gone are the days where people do without, use cash, save for all major purchases, and go on only a few vacations each decade.I will be the first to raise my hand here.
My mother was a single mom, but had several credit cards. When I wanted something, like new red Reebok High-Tops, because all my friends had the latest and greatest, she would get them for me. I can’t recall a time that I really wanted something that I did not get. Of course at the time, I didn’t realize how much damage it was doing to me. Or, that it would be thrown in my face for the next forty years.
But that’s besides the point.
My kids started off getting an allowance, but the more money that came into my household, did not mean a larger allowance. No, it meant no allowance, and I would just buy it.
Or charge it.
Before my family made a major move, more then a decade ago, we were swimming in maxed out charge cards.
We both became a part of the problem, which is why I don’t mind talking bluntly about this now. We have never been upper middle class, but I do consider us middle class.
However, there was a time when we were living paycheck to paycheck. I think this is the major reason people decide to get credit cards. After we sold our first house, we paid off all our credit cards and cut them up.
It was liberating!
We lived within our means for around five years. Then we started feeling bad for not being able to give to our kids what their peers had. So.. the cycle began again.
But by this time, along with a couple credit cards, I started working full time. Let’s be honest, even adults enjoy new things and instant gratification every so often.And while I have always been perfectly happy with ‘new to me’ things, I do like my lattes and avocado toasts as much as today’s youth.
I also like having a new cell phone every couple years. Keeping in mind- that all my work is through my phone.
And if I didn’t have a phone, I would not be working. That says something about myself. Something rather ugly, but we won’t get into that today.
In a nutshell, I’m all about convenience. I spent many years doing things the hard way. Now I want to do everything in half the time.
Much like today’s youth.😐
I don’t like gardening, yet enjoy organic foods. I have medical issues like everyone else, so during times of not feeling my best, I like to treat myself.
Again, ‘new to me’ but none the less.
We use to take yearly vacations, now that has increased to about 2-3 a year. Nothing fancy, but again, none the less.. a weekend trip here and there still counts. I think all these little things turn into bigger things over time. And while I have never felt that I had a ‘lifestyle’ to uphold, when comparing my families life to my neighbors, I’d be lying to think otherwise.
I’m thinking of how all the little things that I’ve grown accustomed to having, are the beginning of a lifestyle. We use to bring thermos of coffees and ice waters. Then I switched to buying a case of bottled water, and having it in the trunk for the kids to have whenever they get thirsty. Then my husband and I would treat ourselves to convenient store coffees.
After All, what’s a .89 coffee. 7-11 was our favorite because they were the first to offer free coffee syrups.That transitioned into Sheetz coffees for $2ea, and then to Dunkin Donuts coffees for $3ea, and now to $5 Starbucks lattes. Which I secretly hate, but my husband still adores. I use to pack lunch bags and coolers for trips to the city, zoo, hike, etc. But now we just go out to eat if we are out and get hungry. It started off with three Little Ceasers pizzas for only $5 each. To feed a family of seven for $15, is almost unheard of.
So why not?! But then we switched over to stuffed crust ones at $8 each. Feeding a family of seven for $24. Doable!
When we first started going out to eat more regularly, we would all order things to share and only order water to drink. For the seven of us, this kept the bill at around $40-$50 before tip. But now it’s almost double! With tip, it is!
Everyone gets a drink, and most of the time we all have our own platters. And yes, leftovers.
I remember a few years ago being out with my mother at the grocery store and reaching for a Diet Coke at the check out. She commented to me, asking me why I was going to spend $1.39 for a drink, when we were ten minutes away from her house.I told her because I was thirsty now, and why not?! What’s $1.39. She rolled her eyes and told me that I could buy a two liter Diet Coke for that price, and she could not justify it, and couldn’t believe I was. I then asked her if she was thirsty, and told her that I’d buy one for her too. She said that she was fine to wait ten minutes. And then got angry with me.
Last year I was out with my mother again and my teen daughter wanted a fancy frozen coffee. I asked my mother if she could pull through a Starbucks to get some coffees. She responded the same way as before, asking me why she couldn’t wait ten or fifteen minutes and make coffee at home.
My reply again…Why? We are out already.
So you see, I get it! And I realize that I’m part to blame. While I don’t fall into the mind frame of needing everything to be brand spanking new, I do enjoy the little things in life.
This reminds me of a family that we use to know years ago. They were considered upper middle class. Which I’m told, means six figures.
I guess in today’s world, Rich, means you are bringing in a seven figure income.
Six figures means upper middle class.
Anyhoo, I was over this families house one day, and she told me that her husband just got laid off. Her main state of sadness, was that she was going to have to cut back, and not be able to buy her fancy coffee beans.
At that time in my life I was secretly rolling my eyes thinking… Ohhh poor you!
I was making Maxwell House and Folgers coffee at the time.
Later, I started buying those same coffee beans! 😐
But tying this story into ‘lifestyle’ and having the simple things in life..
She was really stressed out by the thought of not being able to buy the type of coffee she was accustomed to having.
THIS was something that mattered to her.
Later she opened a Go Fund me type of page and got enough funds donated, to buy their coffee beans. And she later mentioned that some neighbors blessed her family with a case of, said coffee beans.
And again, at that time… I thought this all sounded absurd to me.
Probably a lot like how my mother saw me buying a drink and coffee out, and not wanting to wait ten minutes until I got home.
This was years ago, but it has taken this long for me to realize that we all have little things that we find important. Things that we would miss if our ‘lifestyles’ changed.
This brings me to the conclusion that we ALL have lifestyles. Whether it’s buying a cheaper wine when times are tough..
Making your coffees at home with cheaper ground coffee..
Using milk instead of cream..(my husband would rather go without coffee if we have no cream in the house. This is his simple luxury)
Not having bottled water on hand and having to drink tap..
Having to get regular, instead of premium gas..
Having to paint your own nails and do your own hair, instead of salon visits..
The list is endless.
We all have little things that we will continue to roll our eyes on, when hearing…
But these little things are our lifestyles.
They mean something to us..
And today’s Youth have a lot more in common with us then we think.
That is very hard to think about. But maybe our grandparents went through the same. I don’t know.
Back in my day, I was making $5.25 a hour and was able to afford a $325 a month rent, buy my food, and afford public transportation. So I really don’t get how minimum wage is double here, and kids feel as though they can’t afford a $600 rent and remain at home.Then again… that would mean cutting out Fancy Lattes, Drinking strictly Almond Milk, having new phones, and yes, daily Avocado toast.
And I would not even omit any of that myself. 😁
So tell me about your lifestyle.
What is something that you would rather not do without.
Would you open a Go Fund Me page for it? 🤔
When I was in my mid-30’s I was so excited to see the world ever changing, but now being in my mid 40’s, it’s somehow depressing me.
Maybe it’s change. We are humans of habit, and having a world that is ever changing is oftentimes hard to keep up with. I use to love technology, and now I sometimes wish it didn’t exist. I have wasted so much time online that I want all that time back! But it’s too late.
Looking back to my life five years ago, change didn’t bother me at all. But now I’m realizing that it is effecting my day to day living.
I’m feeling as If I don’t know where to go from here. Like I want to stop time.
So my only guess, is that I’m getting older and coming to the conclusion that everyone has been through this at one point and time. Or will!
Life also seems to be going by much quicker then it did just five years ago.
My body is not what it was, nor my mind, and how I saw the world and people. There is so much hurt in the world that we don’t always think about. Frankly, it’s depressing to think so much on. Yet it’s hard to ignore because everything is in your face.
I sometimes wonder if this is how our grandparents felt when the television became a household add-on.
Before that you received the daily newspaper and either read it or not. Then televisions bombarded the homes with local and world news.
And now, it’s the internet.
Even if you use it sparely, you can never escape the ADS. And if you don’t choose to read what’s happening on the day to day, you have people telling you about it, or overhearing it in passing. Every single thing focuses around the Internet.
So yes, if it sounds like I’m depressed, I am.
It’s so hard to not compare myself with others my age who are still full of energy and zest; living for the moment. Welcoming change.
How I wish I had that mind frame back. Because for many years that is how I lived my life.
But life is not all fun and games and change is inevitable. More then often, hurtful.
I am struggling to find the balance.
I have so much planned for this year still. Things that have been already been paid for. Things have been ordered, and life is already written on the calendar and for the most part, planned out.
I’m told that THAT helps to not fall into depression. Organizing. Planning.
Even so, I feel as if I’m just going through the motions..
I am the mother I always dreamt of having myself.
I gave you my TIME.
My mother was rarely around.
I home cooked all your breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and all of your Birthday cakes from scratch.
My mother served me TV dinners.
I taught you how to cook.
My mother did not cook.
I played hours upon hours of games with you.
We talked. We laughed. We played some more.
I have no memories of playing any games with my mother.
I read many books to you that led to so many deep discussions about life and love.
I have no memory of my mother ever reading to me. Not even a bedtime story.
I taught you to read and write. I made the choice to homeschool you.
I was schooled at many different schools that left me with zero positivity on public education and self worth. Not to mention the social aspect of always being the new kid that didn’t fit in, which in return, warped my views on many friendships.
I gave you security and a stable home, family, and lifestyle honey.
I moved every year, oftentimes twice a year, up until you were born.
I dreamt on what it would feel like spending most of my childhood in one town and home. The security of knowing what to expect with each passing day.
I gave you that feeling that I wish I could have had, and experienced.
I gave you all your needs and most of your wants.
I gave you a Full Time Mother and a Full Time Father.
I gave you FOUR siblings and FOUR friends.
I grew up very alone.
And while all that is important to me, what’s even more important to me, is, I taught you about Christ.
I taught you about Gods Love for his children.
I taught you who the creator of this universe is.
I taught you that God loves you no matter what.
And how scripture IS your medicine during life’s ups and downs.
I taught you, and showed you, how much the Lord Loves you.
I grew up with no foundation of this. I wish I would have turned to God during all my loneliness, and all my heartbreaks.
So while I sit here and think about where I could have given you more, I’m coming up empty.
I gave you EVERYTHING that I always wished I would have had.
A Full Time Mother.
A Loving Mother.
A Mother who would make you feel special. Who would make you laugh beyond measure.
A Mother who wanted to be around you and spend quality time with you.
A Mother who would never see you as a burden.
A Mother who you trusted, and one that you knew Loved you no matter what.
A Mother who cared about YOU more then herself.
A Mother who would lay down her life for you.
A Mother who loves the Lord with all her Heart and Soul.
I Love You dear daughter of mine. I Love you SO much!
If I could have given you even more, you have to know that I would have.
But I gave you all that I had to give sweetheart.
I gave you a Full Time Mother.
I wish it would have been enough…
This year Poshmarks Poshfest will be held in Dallas,TX
I’m taking my daughter for her Birthday.
If any other Poshers come across this post, and have also managed to get tickets, please leave a message below. I’d love to formally meet you. 😀
I’m still unsure wheat hotel to book with. 🤔🤓
I am so proud how much my daughter has grown spiritually over this past year.
A while back she came to me and said it was time to get baptized. She knew this is what the Lord was telling her to do.
She is an Amazing young girl that shines so bright. 💗
My mother heart beats so strong for you Krissy. May the Lord keep his hedge of protection around your life, and may you move mountains in his holy name… Always knowing what a precious Gift you truly are.
It’s just the little things when it comes to our family. Which is a super relaxed one.
So far we have lounged by the pool.
Hooked up with another homeschool family.
Ate out way too much.
Went to the mall.
Went to Royal Nails, which is said to be the best nail salon five years running. And yes they were!
Tomorrow we are taking the kids to Hannah’s Mirrored Maze. (Will post pictures then.)
We have been doing ubur again on vacation. It really is nice.
Per usual, the resort beds do not compare to our temperpedic back home, so I had to buy tiger balm for the back pain.
I also went to target and found this cute photo prob for eBay. 😉
I have noticed a huge difference between people in SC, verses people in NC. I’ve never noticed it before. I won’t say which is which, but one state has friendly people then the other.
I am not sure what it is about the colder weather that always makes me feel so frumpy and grumpy.
Perhaps it is because with the colder weather I am not feeling very cute with layers upon layers of clothing.
Being a plus size woman, big oversized coats and sweaters always make me feel like a beach whale. And I’m not saying that everyone looks or feels like this if they are packing a few extra pounds, but for me… I just feel frumpy. And it really does affect me.
I still have 2x and 3x clothing in my closet that are simply too big. Yet, I keep reaching for them because they are oversized and cozy.
But then I feel so frumpy with shirts hanging off my shoulders revealing my bra straps.. and baggy in the middle, which causes me to question… am I wearing a maternity top?! 🤨
So no more! I’m back in full force at the gym and currently fasting, so I really have no plans of ever needing the larger size clothes anymore, despite me reaching for them constantly.
I know that when I dress more tailored and wear more fitted clothing, I feel my best. I feel motivated, and put together. Not like a middle aged frump!
I still love my yoga pants and livi tees, but I need to get rid of all the 2x abs 3x clothing and only leave my 1x clothing.
I am finding that while I am out sourcing 5x a week now, I am simply not taking care of myself the way I once did. And I’m disappointed in myself.
So that, is yet another New Years Resolution I plan to put into action this week.
When I take some time for myself, it benefits everyone and everything around me.
Diet, Fast, Circuit train
No dairy, sugar month on January
Gallon of water a day in January
Learn one new thing EVERY DAY.
Ex: Are people who live in the desert climates more healthier then the rest of us? 🤔
Spend less time on YouTube
More time playing board games with the kids.
More time outside
Cook more at home
Double my profit on eBay by December 2018
I’m sure I’ll be adding to this list. 😉< strong>Anyone else jumping on the New Years Resolutions train this time around? 😁
Oh! I am also living on the edge on this very last day of 2017.
This has been the first Christmas that I have had no contact with my mother and I thought that I would have felt a sense of loss.
I was assuming that it would have sparked an emotion of Love or loss, but it has not.
My family had an awesome Christmas morning, and then went see Star-wars in 3–D. It was a very chilled day. We had our celebration feast on Christmas Eve.
We ended our Christmas last night watching old home videos from year 2000. Mainly of the kids.
That said, my mother was in a couple of them, so I was expecting it to hit me. Emotionally.
But the only thing I saw was the way I always had to walk on eggshells and the way she talked to me. I felt nothing.
There was absolutely zero love, hence, no sense of loss.
In one segment we were celebrating my birthday where gave me a jornal and asked me if it was the one I wanted from Barnes & Noble.
I told her that it wasn’t the one that I had previously mentioned to her, but I loved it anyways. And thanked her.
That should have been the end of the conversation, but it was not.
She got defensive and told me that I’d just have to take it back if I didn’t like it.
I then repeated to her again that I liked it.
She then asked me what it was that was different then the one that I asked for.
So I went through a big song and dance explaining that it was a mother’s jornal that you wrote about your kids in. And the one she gave me was one that I wrote about myself in.
I suppose I should have lied, and just thanked her and said yes, that it was the one I wanted.
Maybe that’s what most daughters would have done..
The next thing I opened was a dress she bought me.
It was gray. Quite lovely.
Yet again, after I opened it, she asked me if it was the one I wanted. I told her, yes, but in black.
She then went on saying that gray would look much better on me, and that they didn’t have black anyways, and if I didn’t like it, to take it back.
You see, it’s the getting upset whatever I say and telling me to just take it back if I don’t like it that irks me. Especially in the manner that she did..
Her voice to me was always angry, even seventeen years ago. The same anger she had when I was trying t order myself the tomatoes with breakfast on my last day with her, is the same anger she has always shown to me.
And after watching the home movies last night I realized that she has always talked to me that way.
The only difference is, I’m not putting up with it anymore because it has always made me feel awful. I am all about putting “family first” but if you have family that I’d never uplifting, encouragingly you, and basically makes you feel like you are five years old when you are a full blown adult, that’s where the line should be drawn. Just because they are family? Does not give them a free pass to treat you like crap. No one deserves physical OR mental abuse at any time in their lives.now if you can pray for patience with someone and have what they say to you NOT effect you in way, shape, or form.. then that is different. My husband is the type of person that can just let stuff go in one ear and out the other. He takes nothing personal. Even if it is.
But I’m not like that. Maybe I will have that gift some day, but presently, I do not.
I remember on three different occasions trying to be assertive and stand up for myself, by telling my mother that I don’t want communication between us to always be harsh.
This was also always the advice from other family members, friends, and my husband.
They have always told me to just be assertive and tell my mother, like an adult, that I will not have her talk to me in a degrading, condescending way.
Each time I have tried, it never went well, and always left me in tears. Not to mention, regret.
The first time was back in 2005.
She was in my living room yelling at me, for what, I don’t even recall. I think it probably had to do with me letting my kids run through the house. Or, my kids trying to talk to her while she was reading. You see, my kids were always such a bother to her. And I’m coming to realize that my brother and me were also a bother. An inconvenience.
I remember asking her why she was so upset.
She thought that was terribly disrespectful, and so I told her outright that she was being selfish.
The result from that, was her moving out two months later. You see, everything was always her way or the highway.
The next time was when I was down in Florida visiting her,back in 2013.
We were at a national park, in the parking lot, in her car. She started asking me why my kids don’t write to her.
I told her that they don’t know her, and that her coming to visit once a year, yet never really spending any quality time with them… haven’t really established a relationship with them.
That made her very angry, and she started in on herself.. because every conversation always ended up with the whole… “My life has been so hard, and poor me.”
I ended up in tears, and feeling so bad that I stood up for myself and my kids.
Then the last time was this past year in the middle of a thrift store, again, while down in Florida visiting her with my daughter.
She pulled me aside and told me that she has a lot of issues with my daughter and that maybe I should have come visit her by myself, like usual.
We ended up having a huge argument in the middle of the thrift store. It then continued at a restaurant. It was probably the worst feeling I have ever felt in my adult life. It has only been six months, so thinking back on that day, I still feel that “feeling”
THAT day was the final straw, when I realized that I did not want to spend the rest of my adult life being afraid to be myself or talk to her.
A few days leading up to this, my daughter had noticed that I was agreeing with everything she said, each time she talked to me. If she said she didn’t like something, I agreed that I didn’t either. If something made her mad, I acted like it made me mad, if she complained about someone. I sympathized, and agreed that it would have bothered me too. If she asked me how I liked something, I told her I loved it.
I wasn’t even realizing that I was doing this until it was brought to my attention. It made me sad at the time; that I had stooped to that level of communication with her.
But I guess I learned that in order to keep the peace, just agree with everything.
That night I decided in my mind that things need to change, and that if I couldn’t handle being talked down to, and I have already tried to have an adult conversation, to address the issue, then the only other option would be to take a break, and cut off all ties with her.
I thought it would have been a hard thing to do, but if you never had love in the mix, then there really wouldn’t be any empty place in the heart.
And this has been my experience these past six months of having no communication with her.
I don’t feel the sense of loss that I thought I would have. Mainly, because I never received any genuine love from her, well, ever. Even as a child growing up. I guess I assumed she loved me, and she occasionally voiced it to me.. but as an adult, I have felt nothing. Granted, I feel sad that I have had two very absentee parents growing up. And more so, that my children have been robbed of active grandparents.
But I’m not going to whine sad cry the rest of my life over it. I’m capable of showing each one of my kids their potential and worth in life.
Never, will I ever, whine to them that I didn’t have this or that as a kid. And they should feel lucky. Or try to manipulate them to feel sorry for me, etc.
Because it’s not about me.
Raising children needs to be a selfless act.
One out of pure love.
Kids need unconditional love. When they feel your love, everything else will fall into place…