What do you do when you have a spouse spiraling down the drain? Depressed.
I’ve been sad before, but I don’t know that I’ve ever been legit, depressed. I thought I had, but that was before I knew what depression really was.
So it’s hard for me to understand the feelings. The way the mind is altered.
I have been reading up on it for the past week though.
Like many wives, I’ve always felt that it was my fault that my spouse was not happy.
That it meant that I had to change and make my spouse happy.
This has been the weight on my shoulders for so many years.
But I’m slowing learning that when someone is depressed, or even unhappy, it has more to do with themselves. Not you.
It’s a hard realization watching someone and listening to someone complain about every little thing in life. Someone who is never happy or positive about; well, anything.
Watching them go through counseling, but it not resulting in any real, life altering change.
You can’t help to let it eat away at you.
Especially when you are walking around thinking that life is pretty great. Despite its trials.
And when you are excited and happy, but it seems to annoy the depressed person.
For me, it’s hard not to feel what others close to me are feeling.
It’s hard to not let people and circumstances not steal my Joy. But it’s something that I’m going to continue working and praying about.
I use to read news stories about people who committed suicide because they were depressed. (Off the top of my head, I think of Robin Williams, if I’m recalling right.)
I use to think to myself… why didn’t their friends and family help them? Didn’t they care enough?
I’d think that it was their friends and families fault that they let it happen.
But no more!
Having been dealing with a depressed spouse for so long, I’m just now realizing that all the nit-picking and complaining has nothing to do with anyone other then the one in the mirror.
It’s a hard realization to come to terms with…
I just feel helpless.