Mental abuse

I have learned something this past week. More then the fact… that I NEVER want to be as bitter of a person as my mother. 

I’ve learned that being a bitter person brings everyone around you to a dark mental state. 
A state of mind that requires more then just waking each morning and putting on the full armor of God. 

I’ve learned that each morning is new and fresh, it can easily spiral downhill if you surround yourself with people that have mental disorders. Especially if they are in denial about it. 
Some say that if you are a strong Christian, then you need to just pray for more patience in dealing with people that have mental disorders. And that it’s about you, not them. And that if your blood pressure is raising just thinking about an individual, then you simply have not arrived yet. Pray harder…

And that you need to reach a place of mental state yourself, that nothing phases you. 

Not even others who bring you down.

And while they all sounds good in theory. And something to thrive for, I’ve recently drawn the conclusion that THAT is BS. Very bad advice.

If you are generally a positive, relaxed, type of person, and suddenly find your own mental state of mind MORE, then challenged, when you are around certain people, then you have no business being around those people. Family, friends, or the alike. 

You should NOT feel guilty protecting yourself from other people that bring you down. 
Physically, or mentally.

You need to free yourself from the mind frame, that you can help someone that simply is not ready to accept your help. 
It’s very foolish to keep thinking that you can open a persons eyes that are blind. 
It’s hard to watch the demise of another human being. Especially if it’s a close friend or family member. But it’s even worst enabling them. Being their punching bag.
And I’m not talking about someone who you occasionally disagree with. No. I’m talking about trying to have an adult conversation with someone who always plays victim, and has something negative to say about everything and everyone.

Someone who starts their mornings complaining, and ends each day with complaints. 

Someone who wakes in the middle of the night to scream. Someone who thinks the world revolves around them, and they are somehow entitled because they have had a bad childhood, or rough life, bad relationships, no mother, no father, etc. 

The poor me syndrome. 

And while I do still consider myself an empath. 

People can only play victim for so long. Perhaps some people don’t realize how soul sucking they make everyone around them. Perhaps there is a reason no one ever wants to be around them. 

If more negative words come out of your mouth then positive…. in a twenty-four hour day… then perhaps you are the problem. Not everyone else. 

Tax Returns

I know most people would find this type of thing silly, and perhaps pointless… but while stuck in traffic earlier I started thinking about how every year during tax season people start thinking about what, and where, their tax return will go to.
Ubur responsible people, probably put theirs towards a few extra car payments, credit card debt, or mortgage payments. 
And If you have had a bad year, perhaps a long overdue vacation…
Or maybe you donate it all to your church, or other non-profit organization.
I’m not sure if my family is the only one this happens too, but we start thinking about where to put or future tax return each November….But then about a week before it arrives, something breaks down. It truly never fails.
The car, lawnmower, major appliance…etc. 

So today while stuck in traffic I started to think about everything I would buy if money grew on trees, sorta speak…
Here’s my personal list:
1. A boat to accommodate our family size.  

2. A RV that would accommodate our family size.

3. An in ground pool with a jacuzzi next to it.

4. Enough fencing to fence in our land.

5. All new appliances. 

6. Pay off all current debt.

7. New furniture for the entire house.

And off the top of my head, that is about it. I’ve never had the desire to play the lotto, or get rich…just have all our needs filled, and a handful of wants would be nice.

~If its not too personal, please share your list. 😉

Annoying people 

Life is not always inspirational quotes and a five star meal. Sometimes things, AND people, simply annoy us….



I’ve been thinking a lot about the type of people that bother me. You know, the bothering feeling you get when you visualize yourself having an ‘Ally Mc’beal’ moment.
We all have them, but rarely ever talk about them. 
Well, I’m going to just throw it out there…so I can lay it to rest, sort of speak. 

Annoying people:

1. When I’m out shopping and someone with their carriage WONT MOVE OUT OF THE WAY! Even if I say excuse me..
2. People who want to return things because they didn’t receive enough compliments. (Retail job)
3. People who don’t say thank you when you gift them something.
4. People with no common sense.
Really, that’s about it.

What type of people bother you?

Chilis Restaurant 

On the way home yesterday we decided we felt like ribs. Truth be told, I’ve never ate ribs before age 25. 

The only choices were Chilis, or Ruby Tuesday’s.
We opted for Chilis


We ordered an appetizer to share, and a full rack of ribs to share, with two sides. 

Their loaded mashed potatoes are so delish! 

So heads up on that! We order double, so we could each have one side.

However, if you are not keen on mashed taters with a bit of skin left in, you may not enjoy them. 

Appetizer: 

Southwestern Egg rolls,Wisconsin cheddar bites, and sliders. $13
We only go to Chilis about once a year. I’m not sure why. I guess because there are so many choices in the city, and Chilis is always very busy, and like most people, I hate waiting in lines.*grin*
Food when it arrived:


1/2 of Full Rack (we shared) $17.89
I may be wrong, but I thought last year they were still using real plates. Not metal trays. 🤔
Honestly, I don’t care whether I’m eating off a plate or a tray. I know these things don’t sit well with the older folks, but as long as the food is great, who cares! I do enjoy presentation though…(whatever happen to that bit of parsley that use to garnish everything back in the days?!) 

DH said the trays felt like something they would serve prison food on. 


Here we have a metal tray with a sheet of wax-type paper on it. 
Perfect for ribs, but mashed potatoes, not so much. As you can see.

Rather ‘cafeteria-ish’ I s’pose. But whatever!

They also have tablets on each table for you to place your order and pay. Much like Ruby Tuesdays and Applebees. It even adds in the gratuity for you, because after all, trying to add a 15% or 20% tip is just too much brain work. *grin*
I know this is all meant to be easy. I understand that. I’m just being a tad sarcastic. 😉


The only reason you need a wait staff is to bring you your food. In reality.

And my guess is, that in another ten years that will cease too.

I have mixed feelings regarding ultra casual dining…
Honestly, I have adapted to this ‘new world’ 

I have become very casual myself. 

Of course some people classify that as growing up. 

But I think it’s more so about adapting
Raising kids in this generation has been very difficult at times. There is a ten year difference between my oldest and youngest, and my parenting style is very different as it once was. I hear that this is completely normal though, so I try not to beat myself up too much about it.

Everything is casual. In this life, I mean. 

 And restaurants are moving right along with the times. It’s just good for the business. I know!

Maybe some day we will have a world without them. Maybe we will only have drive-thrus?! 🤔

I also wonder if grocery stores will cease someday. With so many new company’s delivering food nowadays. 
Only time will tell I guess.

Thanks for letting me share Oh Great Internet….

Or shall I show my age and say, 

Oh  Great World Wide Web….;o)~

Why so many options?

Why do we need so many options?Why fix what’s not broken?

Maybe I’ve just just had too much time to think lately.
Or…
Like mother keeps telling me, “Michelle, you are getting old dear.”
But seriously, back in the days…

1. You wanted fast food you decided between Burger King or Mc’donalds.
2. Steak? You went to Sizzler.
3. Ice cream? Carvel or Dairy Queen?
4. Pizza? Pizza Hut.

Everyone went to Pizza Hut!
5. Hot Dogs? Oscar Meyer or Ball Parks?
6. Shopping? Kmart. Just K-mart!
If K-mart didn’t have what you needed, then you headed to the mall for Sears and JC-Penny’s. Or you simply did without.

But more often then not, K-mart had it all..  
Why have they filed bankruptcy? Oh yeah, because we all have TOO MANY OPTIONS NOW!

Now let’s talk about Soda…trival, I know…

Coke or Pepsi?
Some sort of clear soda…7-up? Sprite?

And if you were “extra” you went for Mountain Dew or Mellow Yellow. What more did you need?

I remember when Cherry Coke came out but you couldn’t get it at a restaurant…
Mom had to buy it from the market.
All This takes me back to earlier today

I ran into Burger King. It’s been a while. 

The soda station was like an algebra problem..
One in which I needed help with. 
Diet Coke and regular coke were still the main options. Yay!
But they also came in every flavor imaginable!

Why do we need all these options?
Same went for all of the other fifteen soda choices. 
If you are in a hurry you could always opt for sweet tea I suppose.

Well, that use to be an easy remedy..
But not any more. Ice tea? 

First you must choose between diet or regular. Then you are given the options of raspberry, peach, or lemon flavored…
And do you want it with sugar, Splenda, Stevia, or simply unsweetened?
I went with sweetened. I was in a hurry. 😐
I also noticed that onion rings and fries also branched off. 

Now you can choose cheddar tater tots as a third option.

I’m sure it won’t be long until they add curly and sweet potato options.

I can go on, but you get the picture.

Maybe I am just getting old. I want simple and right to the point nowadays.
Today has been ‘A DAY’
Even my  local grocer had to change on me, with those stupid self check out cashiers. 

Why do I want to spend an hour grocery shopping, only to have to check myself out and bag my own groceries?!

What’s more, why strip everyone from their jobs?! 
And don’t get me started with all the chain restaurants having tablets on all the tables so we can all order our own food when we go out to eat. 😡

I suppose my parents had to go through similar  changes themselves… 
I remember my mother swearing at the phone because she didn’t want to push 1,2,3 or 4.

She wanted to talk to A HUMAN!
Like.. back in the days.. 
Aww.. it’s only a matter of time before WE CEASE TOO….

Self Help

1. Learn to respond to people instead of react to them. 

2. Learn to not be over excited when meeting new people, because my enthusiasm oftentimes scares people.

3. Just because I don’t see eye to eye with someone doesn’t mean I should discredit them as good people.

4. Don’t try to justify people’s bad situations by telling them that things could be worst.

5. Never look for faults. Try to focus on positives. “Be Polly Anna”

Blacks, Hispanics, and Whites 

This may be a bit of a controversial topic. It is not to make anyone feel bad. It’s just something that has been on my mind for some time.
These are just some observations I have personally noticed.
Topic:

Blacks

Whites

Hispanics
Does a certain race determine how family oriented you will be as an adult?

Does a certain race determine how helpful you will be as an adult?

Does a certain race determine how much genuine love you will have for your community?

Does your race determine your future?

Does your zip code play a factor?

Do people make their zip code, or does your zip code make you?
After asking around..this is what I have found..

It appears that Blacks and Hispanics are taught from knee-high a sense of community.

Whites, not so much.

At least this is what I have been told and what I have personally noticed.

Apoligies for such “blanket statements”

I am white. Btw.

And…I married a Hispanic man.

After marrying into a Hispanic family
I noticed the sense of community that Hispanics have.

I have also noticed the same type of community within the black communities.

One that I have never witnessed in my own life, or in other white communities growing up.

I didn’t grow up with much diversity.🤔

That said, I have been surrounded by diversity these past few years. And I Prefer it.👍
I’m really not sure how community is taught. But it has to be taught, because community never comes naturally. It just doesn’t.

It needs to be built. And my guess is that it needs to start at a very young age if you want your kids to be adults that reach out to the local community, neighbors, and friends of all sorts.

If you want your children to grow up caring  for their siblings then you need to instill “family first” at all cost.

Personally, I teach “family first”

And with two kids who are basically adults now, I pray that I’ve done a good enough job instilling “family first” values.

I think you need to start off by teaching your kids that their siblings are their forever best friends. Not their enemies.

It saddens me how many children grow up having no relationships with their siblings.

I feel like their parents have failed them.

More observations:

Whites usually keep to themselves. At church, as well as in their neighborhoods. 

Their motto generally is, “You don’t bother me and I won’t bother you.” Period!

“And no, I don’t want to visit you, and dear God! I don’t want you over here visiting me.” 

“Yes, I am new to your neighborhood, but please! please! Keep your cookies and cassoroles at your place, because I don’t want them.”

It sounds silly to read all that, but it really is true.

Several of my friends at church who have been church members for the past ten years tell me that they still don’t know anyone.

Personally, I mean. 

Sure they know almost everyone’s name, and wave in passing….But what about their kids names?

Their family pets names?

Their health issues?

Do they really know who they have been sitting next to for the past ten years. Breaking bread and praying with?

THESE are signs of REALLY knowing someone.

One woman at church has told me that I am the first person that has ever invited her over for lunch.

That people just don’t do that anymore. 
I am saddened by this. I have tried time and time again to get unity going.

Getting people socializing. But…..

(On a positive note, I have a Sunday School social this coming Sunday. I thought a pic-nic at the park would be nice. Just a pot-luck. Nothing that takes any real planning. About half the class will be attending, but it felt like no one wanted too. It was suppose to be a time of fellowship outside the church walls.

Casual, carefree, and fun! A time to get to know one another. Personally.

But to keep it church based, someone suggested that we actually do our Sunday school lesson at the park. Then eat, then fellowship if time allows. So that is the current plan. 😐)

Yes, my mind is scattered today. I’m so sorry.

 

Moving right along…..

Whites rarely offer to help you move, watch your pets while you are away,  or lend you their lawn equipment,car, ect.
We have all been here before.

1. My car just broke down and I need a ride. Who can I call? Oh yeah. No one! Praise God for tow-trucks, taxis, and Ubur.

2. I’m moving and I could really use some help packing and loading the truck. Oh yeah! I have no one in my life to help with stuff like that. Maybe I can flash a hundred dollar bill and five free pizzas.. Then I will have better luck. Maybe.

3. I’m going on vacation. Who can I ask to watch my dog and feed my livestock? Well, I suppose the two hundred dollars that the pet hotel charges per week  is not all that much. And if I just leave tons of water and food out for the animals, they may not die.

I have moved alot in my life and I have always noticed that white people are rarely offering to help out.

Help with…Well, anything. I don’t understand it.

I have mentioned  it before but if you are not a regular reader here, my family currently attends two churches regularly.

One is all upper middle class white folks.

The other is very Diverse.

Blacks, Indians, Hispanics, whites, and Asians.

At the white church the preacher has a sign up sheet for folks that need help with yard work or moving, could possibly get the help that they need. People rarely sign up though.

So after a couple weeks go by with no one signing up to help he will call an elder meeting to round up a some of the teens to go help out.

At the more diverse church, the preacher will casually mention ONCE that someone is needing help with something and all sorts of hands go up.  At least the black and Hispanic hands.

Surely other people notice these things. Years after years…you’d have to be blind not to.

My family was the only one that showed up to help an elderly lady with her yard work a while back. (This was at the an all white church)

I tried to round up some others, but they were all just too busy.

How do you motivate people to physically help other people out?

It seems like those who try to set the example, never actually accomplish anything, other then people taking advantage of them.

When ever I start to feel this way I try to pray it away. It’s so hard at times, but  I dont want to stop helping people because they don’t appreciate it.

There are a lot of of people that do appreciate hands on help. But there are a lot more who take advantage of people’s helpfulness. But that’s all a different topic entirely.

So once more….Moving right along.

I will use my husbands family for an example.

I have noticed throughout the years how all it takes is one phone call when one of them needs help with something.
It doesn’t matter if it’s physical help or financial help. They all have each other’s back. Always!

My family? Well, it’s only if they are not busy. And it has always been this way. Nothing new.

I see this same pattern with my white friendships and their families, too.

Example:

My husbands brother attends a Spanish church. 

He bought an old house that needed loads of work done. And within a month he had it move-in ready.  

I assumed he hired outside contractors, but he laughed and said that he put the word out at his church one Sunday and that afternoon he had a bunch of people willing to help him. No one even expected compensation he said. His wife just insisted on feeding them dinner.  I was shocked! 

I do not know this way of living, or fellowship. But I hear stories like this all the time within the black and Hispanic communities.

So I am left wondering…

What are we not teaching our children? 

Wasn’t there a time era where whites and community were in the same sentence. Perhaps not.

Anyone care to share their thoughts? I need to think more on this…

Am I going mental, or just getting older?

I hope it’s the latter.

I’ve always heard that when you turn forty, your world is shaken upside down and all around.
That you change. 

Sometimes having a nervous breakdown.

Men and women alike.

Men change careers, have affairs, buy fancy sports cars. Sometimes all of the above.

Ladies have emotional breakdowns,then their health goes down the tubes.

Sometimes remarrying and having more children.

Your appearance changes.
The way you dress, wear your hair, and your hobbies change.
Even your circle of friends may change.

Why? Because YOU change!
I have found what has changed for me, more then anything else has been my mental state. 

For the better too! I feel at ease.  Fearless!
In my 20’s I was all about myself.

In my 30’s I was an emotional basket case.
Not to name call, but I really was. Pregnancy does things to the brain. I swear it does!

I was SO emotional and worried about everything, and everyone.
Who I was, my future, and my children’s lives. Everything!

I was also trying to micromanage all areas of my life. All.the.time. It wasn’t fun.

And looking back nowadays, I’m embarrassed for myself….

Aw well. That’s part of life, I guess.
Now, in my 40’s, I am the best version of me.

Not to toot my own horn, but if the shoe fits. 😉

I have been noticing how laid back I’ve become.  Even my family has noticed. I just don’t worry about, well, anything.

And my OCD has chilled way the heck out.

I have also noticed these past few days, is that I’m not thinking about crap 24/7.
My head is not spinning or foggy anymore.

I wish I could explain it, so you all could share whether or not it has happened to you. Yet.(Providing you are of age) 😉

Ex:

If today is Monday, and I have plans on Thursday to go out to dinner or the movies and a concert. Whatever the case may be…
I use to be thinking non-stop about “said event” until that day arrived.
Much like the anticipation that most people have for the Holidays.

But I have noticed lately that I am truly living each day as it is. Every day!
I’m living one day at a time. 

And I’m so much happier!

I have had a few events happen in my personal life these past few years that may, or may not, attributed to this new me. But I don’t see any of it as regrets, or a negative. Anymore! 😉
That said, I think age has played a huge role in my happiness.
So I’m here to tell you that everything gets better with age.

Like a fine wine. 🍷
Encouragement for today:

Each day, or perhaps week, is nothing more then a chapter in a book. Your book! 

Your life book! And like a book, some chapters are Better then others.

And most books are pretty good! 😉

You Are Good!

Life is Good!

And you are going to get through whatever chapter  you are participating in right now. 

There is no place to go but up! 🙌

Trying new things

I read a book once that talked about trying new things, while being fearless in the process.
I really learned a lot from that book. So I decided to put my life into action. Sort of speak.
Like many, I have always been my own worst critic.
And whenever I have tried something new, like a hobby, unless it came natural to me, and I feIt I was great at it, I simply would give up.
Unlike my favorite Aunt, whom I adored growing up, who just seemed to be a natural at everything she tried.

That was a trait I have always wanted and admired.
Looking back at all the things I have tried to do, then stopped doing because I felt as if I wasn’t the best at it…

I laugh at myself now for even thinking like that. Smh
With age, my mind is rapidly changing.

So much!

And all for the better. Praise God!
I want to try everything once.

And if I am not any good at it, so what!

It’s for the life experiences.

Who cares whether we are good at something we want to try.
There are SO MANY things to try in life.
Some people spend their lives traveling to exotic locations, and man that sounds Awesome!

But it can also be Awesome trying new things, frequently.

Simply for the fun of it. You know?

 
Scrap booking, paper mache, baking, sewing, coloring, writing, painting, drawing, playing an instrument, hiking, archery, belly dancing, jewelry making,ceramics, knitting, crocheting, calligraphy, doll making, cross stitching, needle point, bowling, hula hooping, ice skating, skiing, juggling, kite flying, origami, quilting, skeet shooting, basket weaving, soap making, yoga, horse back riding, taking a class, teaching a class.

Whatever the heck it is that you have ever thought, even for a minute, that you have wanted to do/try.

I have actually done/tried all of the above. 

Well, except pottery and ceramics, which is something I have always wanted to do since I was eight years old.

I use to watch my Aunt make ceramic planters, and use to think that someday when I was an adult, I would make planters too. I specifically remember this triple faced lion one that she made for my mother one year. It was really cool!
That shared, I don’t want to make this post about my Aunt, or even a book I read.

Or getting older….
I want to make everyone realize that if something enters your mind and you think to yourself, for even a second, “Gee, that may be fun”
Do NOT have the following thought be, “Nah, I wouldn’t be any good at it. So why bother?!”

Because THAT mind frame needs to be thrown out the front door.
You should try anything and everything you want to try.

Regardless of whether you feel like you’d be good at it.

It’s not about recognition for being great at a hobby, etc.
It’s about the fun you have trying something new. 

Merely, for the sake of, “trying something new”
Life does not have to be repedative and boring.

You can occupy your mind and your time with more then just one or two things.

We are so capable! ALL.OF.US

 

Try Everything you can in this life.

Providing you have the means too. 😉

Don’t hold back because you don’t think you’d be any good. 

Just Do It!