Homosexuals & Transexuals

~Keeping professional in your Business~Several years ago I remember a news story about a bakery not wanting to serve a homosexual couple a wedding cake.Then there was another story of a woman who would not issue a marriage license to a gay couple. At that time in my life I was torn with it, and to be honest; up until today, I still was.I didn’t grow up in a religious household, but in later life fell into the religious trap. And when I say trap, I’m not bashing religion by any means. What I am saying is that during the time when my circle of friends were very “Pharisee-like” so was I. I just read last week that you become like the five people you mostly talk with. 🤔I had a circle of thirty or so people who were very strict and religious. They liked to refer to one another as accountability partners. Not friends! So I went from spending the first part of my life being very worldly. And then I spent the second part of my life as very judgy, to now, finding a healthy balance with people. Including myself. Fifteen years ago I was at a church where a eighty year old woman told me to never forget to… “Love them anyways.” We are called to show love. Not choose WHO deserves our love. Because we ALL do. We need to be genuine on showing this love.I had only been saved five or so years during the time this church lady shared. What she called, her LIFE MOTTO, so at the time I didn’t know what she meant, exactly. Having went the complete opposite direction for a period, I felt horrible inside. That said,I felt somehow, that God loved me a bit more then everyone else because I isolated myself against any Ungodly people. I did not understand why I felt so awful when I was earning Gods favor in the only way that I knew how. I started thinking very, for lack of better wording.. Amish. Old school Amish! To give a picture of my mind at the time..It was a very lonely journey. Romans 3:10 says:As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one. I’m not sure why I felt better then anyone else, but I suppose that is what religion can do to you.During that period of my life I met another woman who seemed to be the complete opposite of me. She loved everyone! She extended so much love to everyone and everything, that it use to make me upset inside.Yes, Upset?! 😳She would tell me that Jesus loved everyone equally. Love the sinner, hate the sin. We are all pretty familiar with that phrase.Yet at the time, I didn’t really know how that fit into my life with God. What I do know now, is that hate and discord only multiplies. And it causes so much division in this world. 😔I’m realizing that I CAN love everyone and not change the world one bit. But I CAN have everyone who crosses my path leave me a bit happier then what they were, before we crossed paths. So while it’s impossible for one person to change the worlds ways…I can make a small difference.Whether a smile or hello, or even a ten minute conversation with a stranger who is going through a hard time, and needing someone to vent to, or hear his/her story…Or like today, a transgender person.Last week I had a man reach out to me and ask for help. He told me he was currently transitioning into becoming a woman, and liked a lot of the things I was reselling online. He wanted to know if he sent me his new measurements, would I help him shop my store. My first initial thought was no, this makes me uncomfortable. So I just ignored the request. After all, I’m a Christian, and I feel like men should remain men, and women should remain women. And while I do truly believe this, it should not affect me helping someone who is asking for my help. Currently we have a Chaplain in our Sunday school class that says when he is working at the hospital he will pray and bring bibles to everyone who asks. Fine. But this also includes Muslim patients who are ill and ask him for their holy book, the Koran. On occasion, he gets asked why he brings the Koran to the Muslims. And he reply’s that here in America, we have Freedom of Religion. And had he been ill in another country, and at the mercy of the hospital staff and asked for the Bible, he would like to have it brought to him. Most likely it would not be given to him per request, but here in America we have Religious Freedom, and he would never let his personal/religious views reflect his Job and professionalism. He has also shared that he’s had Muslims at the hospital ask him about Jesus, due to his genuine love he’s extended to them. Getting back to my recent encounter…It took this Transgender man three to times reaching out to me. And it shouldn’t have. I’m currently disappointed in myself. So tonight I extended Love regardless. I remained professional and helped clothe this transsexual man. I explained to him how ladies sizing runs, and told him about different fabrics. He seemed very grateful, and told me that he’s not use to women being so helpful and nice. And placed an order with me. It was really all very simple. 🙂If anyone has a similar story, please feel free to share. I’m going to be replying back to all comments next week, as time allows.

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Getting older/Change

When I was in my mid-30’s I was so excited to see the world ever changing, but now being in my mid 40’s, it’s somehow depressing me.

Maybe it’s change. We are humans of habit, and having a world that is ever changing is oftentimes hard to keep up with. I use to love technology, and now I sometimes wish it didn’t exist. I have wasted so much time online that I want all that time back! But it’s too late.

Looking back to my life five years ago, change didn’t bother me at all. But now I’m realizing that it is effecting my day to day living.

I’m feeling as If I don’t know where to go from here. Like I want to stop time.

So my only guess, is that I’m getting older and coming to the conclusion that everyone has been through this at one point and time. Or will!

Life also seems to be going by much quicker then it did just five years ago.

My body is not what it was, nor my mind, and how I saw the world and people. There is so much hurt in the world that we don’t always think about. Frankly, it’s depressing to think so much on. Yet it’s hard to ignore because everything is in your face.

I sometimes wonder if this is how our grandparents felt when the television became a household add-on.

Before that you received the daily newspaper and either read it or not. Then televisions bombarded the homes with local and world news.

And now, it’s the internet.

Even if you use it sparely, you can never escape the ADS. And if you don’t choose to read what’s happening on the day to day, you have people telling you about it, or overhearing it in passing. Every single thing focuses around the Internet.

So yes, if it sounds like I’m depressed, I am.

It’s so hard to not compare myself with others my age who are still full of energy and zest; living for the moment. Welcoming change.

How I wish I had that mind frame back. Because for many years that is how I lived my life.

But life is not all fun and games and change is inevitable. More then often, hurtful.

I am struggling to find the balance.

I have so much planned for this year still. Things that have been already been paid for. Things have been ordered, and life is already written on the calendar and for the most part, planned out.

I’m told that THAT helps to not fall into depression. Organizing. Planning.

Even so, I feel as if I’m just going through the motions..

I Gave You A Mother

I am the mother I always dreamt of having myself.

I gave you my TIME.

My mother was rarely around.

I home cooked all your breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and all of your Birthday cakes from scratch.

My mother served me TV dinners.

I taught you how to cook.

My mother did not cook.

I played hours upon hours of games with you.

We talked. We laughed. We played some more.

I have no memories of playing any games with my mother.

I read many books to you that led to so many deep discussions about life and love.

I have no memory of my mother ever reading to me. Not even a bedtime story.

I taught you to read and write. I made the choice to homeschool you.

I was schooled at many different schools that left me with zero positivity on public education and self worth. Not to mention the social aspect of always being the new kid that didn’t fit in, which in return, warped my views on many friendships.

I gave you security and a stable home, family, and lifestyle honey.

I moved every year, oftentimes twice a year, up until you were born.

I dreamt on what it would feel like spending most of my childhood in one town and home. The security of knowing what to expect with each passing day.

I gave you that feeling that I wish I could have had, and experienced.

I gave you all your needs and most of your wants.

I gave you a Full Time Mother and a Full Time Father.

I gave you FOUR siblings and FOUR friends.

I grew up very alone.

And while all that is important to me, what’s even more important to me, is, I taught you about Christ.

I taught you about Gods Love for his children.

I taught you who the creator of this universe is.

I taught you that God loves you no matter what.

And how scripture IS your medicine during life’s ups and downs.

I taught you, and showed you, how much the Lord Loves you.

I grew up with no foundation of this. I wish I would have turned to God during all my loneliness, and all my heartbreaks.

So while I sit here and think about where I could have given you more, I’m coming up empty.

I gave you EVERYTHING that I always wished I would have had.

A Full Time Mother.

A Loving Mother.

A Mother who would make you feel special. Who would make you laugh beyond measure.

A Mother who wanted to be around you and spend quality time with you.

A Mother who would never see you as a burden.

A mistake.

An inconvenience.

A Mother who you trusted, and one that you knew Loved you no matter what.

A Mother who cared about YOU more then herself.

A Mother who would lay down her life for you.

A Mother who loves the Lord with all her Heart and Soul.

I Love You dear daughter of mine. I Love you SO much!

If I could have given you even more, you have to know that I would have.

But I gave you all that I had to give sweetheart.

I gave you a Full Time Mother.

I wish it would have been enough…

2018 New Years Resolutions

Diet, Fast, Circuit train

No dairy, sugar month on January

Gallon of water a day in January

Learn one new thing EVERY DAY.

Ex: Are people who live in the desert climates more healthier then the rest of us? 🤔

Spend less time on YouTube

More time playing board games with the kids.

More time outside

Cook more at home

Double my profit on eBay by December 2018

Travel more

I’m sure I’ll be adding to this list. 😉< strong>Anyone else jumping on the New Years Resolutions train this time around? 😁

Oh! I am also living on the edge on this very last day of 2017.

Christmas 2017

It was a very special Christmas Day this year. Not to say that others were not, but there was a different feeling this year that previous years didn’t quite have. I never though that I’d enjoy my kids any more then I could possibly enjoy them, yet, with each year.. my heart grows and more love over flows.

Praising God for his wonder and Love. ❤️

Random pictures in no particular order from this past week.

https://videos.files.wordpress.com/xlPUrIER/img_1885.mov

https://videos.files.wordpress.com/qz2aOd1L/img_1900.mov

Love, Lust, Marriage, Honeymoon Phase

Love, Lust,Marriage, Puppy Love, Honeymoon Phase

How was that all on the same line?!

Part 1

I have been thinking about relationships lately.

Mainly, because I was made aware that a former pastor and his wife had divorced and the pastor is already remarried. While the wife is playing the field. Sort of speak.

They were asked to step down from their positions, naturally.

I met the two of them over a decade ago, and from that very first day I couldn’t help but be enamored with them both.

They were about the same age as my husband and I, yet they had these unique playful qualities that I always called, the honeymoon phase. Or puppy love. Something that I’ve never had before. It really sparked my attention at the time.

I remember watching them across the room one day…playfully flirting with each other; as if they were teenagers.

Another lady noticed me watching them, while casually smiling.

She leaned over and said, it’s hard to believe that they have four kids and have been married since their teens…

So they were far from being newlyweds.

Yet, while looking at them.. it seemed like a Hallmark movie come to life.

I only knew them for four years, in which nothing changed. (We moved away after that.)

They seemed like the most perfect couple.

In every way!

And despite everyone telling me that THAT simply doesn’t exist. (The perfect marriage.)

Being a hopeless romantic, I’d like to continue thinking differently..

This couple had a reputation of admiration among all of us married folks…for having it all together. They seemed to have the perfect balance of, well, everything.

So even though they both have moved on and are now happy apart, I’m still somewhat saddened at recalling the memory I still have…

Which is why I’ve decided to write about it.

It feels good remembering them together. So perfect!

And while I didn’t know them all that well, I did see them at church several times a week, and at monthly dinner parties at the monthly, couples dinners.

And yes, I know it is not right to place anyone, or any couple, on a pedestal. I’m just sharing my memories here. ☺️

Part 2<<<
member a good friends husband once telling me, or perhaps warning me… to not think so highly about his wife, because she will let me down eventually. And that we are all imperfect humans, constantly letting one another down. I remember how depressing that sounded tone at the time. As I've grown up, I realize how true that statement really is.

As stated, I was never all that close to the pastor and his doe eyed wife, but I had always wondered what their magic antidote was for sustaining a marriage that clearly remained in the honeymoon stage.

Was it because they both worked a lot and so that the time that they did spend together was valued.

That's what I've always thought, up until now.

Part 3<<<
etimes I think about arranged marriages and how they choose to love someone.

Naturally, they do not marry for love. Like most of the population.

I once knew someone who had an arranged marriage. It really fascinated me because that would have never been something I myself, could have ever partook in.

I always enjoyed lengthy conversations with her on the phone telling me how love should be a choice, not a feeling. That the feeling part was called lust.<<<
the choosing to love your spouse, was much like our love for Christ.

It was a beautiful thought..

I remember asking her about sexual relations. Yes, We had a very open conversation one evening. *blush*

Does this mean that love and sex are two separate things, I recall asking her opinions on.

Is this why so many couples cheat, yet still claim to love their spouse, because sex has nothing to do with love. And vise Versa.

And the answer was, from the religious stand point, No.

But for the rest of the population, Yes, that is precisely what it means.

People have sex all the time that are not in love. We all know this.

Then there are people that love each other, but don't have sex. She shared.

It’s an interesting topic, non the less. < em>Conclusion:o even though this former couple are both very happy with their new lives I will always remember the fire in their eyes when they looked at one another.

Because In my personal opinion, it was, and is the definition of a very special kind on love.

Small Talk

Mishmash of thoughts today-

What would the world look like with no opinions, unless asked?

Better yet, what would the world look like if we listened more then we spoke. What if our focus was more-so on keeping quiet and blessing others.

How would this effect people’s mental state.

So many people have self doubt on the daily.

They question everything. It seems as if everyone needs approval in order to get through a day. Yes, I do blame social media for this. Which is why I will never, ever go back to it. (Insert opinion) 😉

Recently, I had someone staying with me at my house that kept asking me if such and such was my favorite.

Ex. If I wore black two days in a row or used the same coffee mug, they would ask me if it was my favorite.

I kept saying no. And I was being honest.

Truth is, I don’t really put much thought into things that I do on the daily.

I’ve become more of a grab and go type of person.

But being asked so many times if something was my favorite and then feeling the need to explain why it wasn’t, was exhausting.

This got me thinking of what a world might look like if we agreed with everything.

If asked if such and such was my favorite, I could have simply said yes.

If someone asks if I like such and such.. say yes! (This would have put an end to many a debate in the past.)

These are small things, mind you. I’m not talking about world events, religion, or any thing heavy.

Just small chat, where by agreeing with the other person, you are actually performing a selfless act of making that other person feel good.

I know we all have opinions. And that’s normal. But on the other side of the token, it does, and has, caused so much division among family and friends.

So I’m going to challenge myself starting tomorrow.

In fact, I technically already started.

I was at Walmart tonight and while looking at the Christmas decor, a lady next to me held up some gaudy looking garland and looked at me with a smile, and said…”Sure is beautiful huh?”

Did I think it was beautiful? No. I thought it was gaudy. But what good would have came if I would have told her that. Instead,

I agreed with her. She smiled and then picked up a couple more packs and off she went.

I also stopped to help an older woman choose a tree and ornaments. She didn’t ask, but she looked like she needed a helping hand. In doing so.. she shared bits about her life with me.

As I’m getting older, (today was my birthday,btw) I’m realizing that I never want to be too busy to help a stranger.

I don’t want to be so caught up with myself that I can’t smile back at someone, or help them put there groceries in there car if they are struggling.

I don’t want to loose sight and become blinded by what’s happening around me. I don’t want to be self absorbed 24/7.

As cliche’ as it sounds, true happiness & contentment really does have more to do with helping others..

Everything always seems to just work itself out organically when you know who’s driving your steering wheel in life.

The Lord is my Sheppard, and has never once led me astray.

I want to bless others and become as selfless as I can.

I want to make people smile again. ❤️

Santa came early

Santa came early for my teen son. He’s been wanting a gaming keyboard/mouse/ monitor set up all year.

His 20″ monitor will arrive next week, but his keyboard and mouse arrived today and he was the one who got the mail, so I let him open it.

He was so excited. My mommy heart skipped a beat!

I also ordered my 13 year old daughter this lovely necklace to represent her trying everything her heart desires to try…

never listening to the “It will never happen” or the the “what if I fails?”

The necklace says, “Oh but what if it does”

Meaning your dreams coming true. ❤️

All my Christmas shopping is finally done. I finished yesterday online.

Also, my new tree came in and is all set up. I love it so much!

Almost touches the ceiling.

And these below are some hand crocheted ornaments they my daughter whipped up last night while we were watching a Hallmark Christmas movie. ❤️

Depression

Depression

What do you do when you have a spouse spiraling down the drain? Depressed.

I’ve been sad before, but I don’t know that I’ve ever been legit, depressed. I thought I had, but that was before I knew what depression really was.

So it’s hard for me to understand the feelings. The way the mind is altered.

I have been reading up on it for the past week though.

Like many wives, I’ve always felt that it was my fault that my spouse was not happy.

That it meant that I had to change and make my spouse happy.

This has been the weight on my shoulders for so many years.

But I’m slowing learning that when someone is depressed, or even unhappy, it has more to do with themselves. Not you.

It’s a hard realization watching someone and listening to someone complain about every little thing in life. Someone who is never happy or positive about; well, anything.

Watching them go through counseling, but it not resulting in any real, life altering change.

You can’t help to let it eat away at you.

Especially when you are walking around thinking that life is pretty great. Despite its trials.

And when you are excited and happy, but it seems to annoy the depressed person.

For me, it’s hard not to feel what others close to me are feeling.

It’s hard to not let people and circumstances not steal my Joy. But it’s something that I’m going to continue working and praying about.

I use to read news stories about people who committed suicide because they were depressed. (Off the top of my head, I think of Robin Williams, if I’m recalling right.)

I use to think to myself… why didn’t their friends and family help them? Didn’t they care enough?

I’d think that it was their friends and families fault that they let it happen.

But no more!

Having been dealing with a depressed spouse for so long, I’m just now realizing that all the nit-picking and complaining has nothing to do with anyone other then the one in the mirror.

It’s a hard realization to come to terms with…

I just feel helpless.

People who don’t deserve your time

Some people just never change, I guess.

I had recently reconnected with a friend.. despite that feeling in my gut towards them, which was still telling me…. Don’t trust! Don’t trust!

And of course– I ignored that feeling. Like I always do. Because I’m always wanting to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I keep praying that I can live the rest of my life listening to my intuition..As it’ never let me down. But then I feel bad when someone cries me a river. Ugh!

I’m just so upset with myself for always wanting to see the good in people. I know that sounds crazy!

I mean, as a Christian, we should be turning the other cheek and loving people though.

But then again, people who are in the business of using people.. rarely change…

I really, REALLY, need to come to terms with this.

Vent over