Are you “too much” as a Christian?
Do you sometimes find yourself not fitting into any of the clicks? If so, I can relate.
Oftentimes I feel that I am too much.
I have actually been told that I am.
So I guess it’s true. 🤷♀️
Remember that our perceptions of who we are sometimes differ from that way others see us.
This is why it’s important to always be yourself. I am a high energy person (mentally) that on occasion, has been off putting to more laid back sort of people.
That said, Do not get wrapped up in being someone you think others will accept and like.
In these days of social media and online persona, many find it is hard to maintain their true identity.
There will be times in your adult life where you want to fit in with a certain group, but you just simply don’t click.
This may be where you are right now.
But I assure you that someday you will be fine with it.
I understand it very well. You want to be accepted and liked by all. You want good, likeminded Christian friends if you are a Christian or new transplant.
After all, iron sharpens iron. You need good friends in your life. Your family should come first, but they will not be around forever. So you need to have friends to share things with. Things that your family may not understand. Or worse, judge you on.
And it is true that our very close friends should be Christians that will uplift us and hold us accountable. People we can truly trust.
Our old friends were not these people. They weren’t bad people. In fact, you may have had many good times with them resulting in lifelong memories. But these friends were the ones going down the wrong path with you.
When you were not a Christian you probably had a whole lot of friends and everyone loved you.
You may find that you have little to no friends now and may be asking yourself what’s wrong. Why are you not accepted or liked?
Why isn’t anyone laughing with you anymore?
Or even smiling back at you.
Where are all the social Christian gatherings?
And why weren’t you invited?
I’ve been there before too.
This resulted in me turning back to my old friends who were not living for God. It’s easy to fall backwards when you have tried time and time again to move forwards and not get the results that you expect.
It’s okay that people who have grown up in a Christian home with a Christian family, who were taught their whole lives how a Christian should look like, and what a Christian should act like. etc, don’t find YOU to be their cup of tea. You may be seen as too much for them.
Don’t hold that against them! Don’t become bitter and unloving towards them.
Let them be social with each other. Let them remain with their current group of friends that they grew up with. This shouldn’t bother you for more then five minuets. 😉
It’s fine. Just let people be who they are.
Love regardless. Be polite when spoken. Refrain yourself from over sharing or telling any jokes that you know may make them feel uncomfortable. And so on..
You find your tribe of folks who like you. They are out there. I promise. If Covid had taught me anything it’s that people of all walks of life are lonely. We were created to live together and share with one another. Social beings. Some more then others.
Start praying now for God to bring you friends that understand you, and perhaps
Have had a pretty wild life before getting saved as an adult. People that you can relate too and share similar stories with… that led you to realizing that you needed a savior. Your testimony.
Those people are out looking for you right now!
I have come to the conclusion that those who have not grown up in a Christian household, oftentimes can be seen as “too much”. Or simply forgotten at times. I don’t think it’s intentional. I hope!
It could be your upbeat personality is the opposite of meek and quite. As a person of Faith.
If you are a man, you could be sharing offbeat jokes or dark humor that other men find UNchristian. Or weak in Christ.
From my observation, mature religious men like to hang socialize with other mature Christian men. The same for women.
Other offensive things could be certain movies that you find yourself quoting on occasion, that your Christian friends have never seen. Or worse, have heard about and were warned about as a child or teen.
Maybe slang words that you still find yourself using, while not entirely offensive, are not seen as ladylike. (I’m not talking about potty mouth or cussing) Personally, I find both offensive, even before I became a Christian.
I remember being taught that people who cuss in a face to face conversation are uneducated people who do not have the vocabulary skills to scan their brains for the right words.
So they choose to fill in the blank with a make believe cuss word/words. Or peer pressure if you are a teen or young adult
(This is what I was taught about cussing)
Please don’t get offended that I shared that if you cuss often. 🤪
Moving right along-
You may find yourself being judged when ever you speak in a Christian setting. I hope not, but you may. I certainly have. This is life.
Currently there is an older gentleman in my Sunday School class that speaks his mind each week. And while I find it a delight to see someone speak with zest and passion, some do not.
People that over share and are classified and judged as chatters/oversharers/talkers, are oftentimes times just passionate individuals.
Passionate about everything they speak about. More often then not, these are the group of people that are judged the most. More words shared that can be judged.
These are the people that I click best with. 😂
Not everyone does. And that’s okay. God made us all differently.
Protesters come to mind. While I don’t agree with most, I admire their passion and zest for their cause!
Just think about what type of missionary’s they would be if they were filled with the spirit of God. Wow!
You WILL be judged by your past if you did not grow up in a Christian home with Christian mannerisms and values. Heck, you will be judged is you did grow up in a Christian home with values and another Christian sees you acting or speaking a certain way that doesn’t line up with how they were taught.
People judge! Saved, unsaved. People judge one another every day. Again, life!
Right or wrong, we are humans and we judge others. That is never going to change.
What CAN change, is how YOU react to being judged. This is what CAN change. Reaction is everything.
So don’t get caught up in the illusion/ fairytale that once you join church you won’t be judged anymore.
You will be judged your whole entire life.
It starts in Kindergarten. Maybe before?
I have memories being in school and not having the right brand of sneakers on.
I felt sad that day.
The next day I showed up with the right brand and had the other boys and girls befriend me.
I have been judged by my school lunch before.
Why was I bringing it from home? Couldn’t my parents afford for me to buy a hot lunch?
I was judged by my Trapper Keeper. (Showing my age here)😆
I was judged because I wasn’t into sports so I joined a softball team and was then accepted by the sporty boys and girls. I quit after a month. I am not into sports. It wasn’t worth it. Those friends stopped talking to me after a month. But I made new friends. See?
I was judged by the boys I dated. The jobs I’ve had. Not learning to drive. Marrying out of my race. Living in the country. The way I eat; what I don’t eat, and so forth.
Currently I am being judged by my worldly mannerisms and smiling too much.
I’m judged for being a middle age woman who colors her hair. I am judged for primping all the time, tanning, my job, and not forcing my kids to go to college.
I’m judged for only buying second hand.
I recently was judged for taking my son across the country to meet a girl he met online last year.
Are you crazy? You must be crazy!
But at the end of the day….
It use to sting getting judged.
Then it became a little itch.
Now I just don’t care.
I’m living my life the way I want to and sleeping just fine at night.
The important thing to remember is….
Do not judge these people back.
Love them anyways and continue to just be your happy go lucky self.
Providing you are happy?! If you are not, you can start working on yourself and all the things making you unhappy.
Of course if you are bothered by any of the above, you can certainly train yourself to tone down some things.
Ex: When in the company of small groups, Sunday School, or out to dinner with friends who you do not know very well, just reduce your mannerisms by 10%. I would say 50%, but let’s be honest, I could not tone myself down 50%. 10%? Sure I can!
The same goes for those on the other end of the spectrum. Are you being judged by being a recluse or too quiet?
Train yourself to amp up by 10%. That’s doable. Just practice.
Bring 10% more energy to whatever social gathering you will be attending. Try it! 🙂
Having been a part of many denominations, since becoming saved, I have noticed that the most judgmental people fit into this one particular denom.
I will not say the one, because you may get offended if you go to this denom that starts with a capital B and has an IF in front of it.
This does not mean it’s a bad denom, as I feel their doctrine is pretty on point. The love and acceptance just needs tweaking. But that is not our job. We love. We pray. God does not need our help.
My advice to all the men and women that know they are being judged by their past, or current demeanor…would be to try to not let it harden you.
Don’t become bitter or turned off because judgement is everywhere.
It’s NOT the church, it’s the people.
Again, It’s NOT the church, it’s the people.
We all have baggage and are broken inside.
You do not go to church to please anyone.
You go to learn more about God with a body of broken believers.
Some will like you and some won’t like you.. And this is okay.
Back in your school days some kids liked you and others didn’t.
The same at your work place, and yes, the same at any church.
We are all imperfect people.
And if you ever find a school, job or church that is perfect, don’t you dare join because you will ruin it.
I can say from experience, that a non denominational church is mostly filled with adults that have found Christ in later life.
I have never experienced any judgement in one before, not to say it wasn’t there, but I have never
experienced, or saw it and I belonged to one for six years.
When was the last time you were knowingly Judged? How did it make you feel?