Love, Lust, Marriage, Honeymoon Phase

Love, Lust,Marriage, Puppy Love, Honeymoon Phase

How was that all on the same line?!

Part 1

I have been thinking about relationships lately.

Mainly, because I was made aware that a former pastor and his wife had divorced and the pastor is already remarried. While the wife is playing the field. Sort of speak.

They were asked to step down from their positions, naturally.

I met the two of them over a decade ago, and from that very first day I couldn’t help but be enamored with them both.

They were about the same age as my husband and I, yet they had these unique playful qualities that I always called, the honeymoon phase. Or puppy love. Something that I’ve never had before. It really sparked my attention at the time.

I remember watching them across the room one day…playfully flirting with each other; as if they were teenagers.

Another lady noticed me watching them, while casually smiling.

She leaned over and said, it’s hard to believe that they have four kids and have been married since their teens…

So they were far from being newlyweds.

Yet, while looking at them.. it seemed like a Hallmark movie come to life.

I only knew them for four years, in which nothing changed. (We moved away after that.)

They seemed like the most perfect couple.

In every way!

And despite everyone telling me that THAT simply doesn’t exist. (The perfect marriage.)

Being a hopeless romantic, I’d like to continue thinking differently..

This couple had a reputation of admiration among all of us married folks…for having it all together. They seemed to have the perfect balance of, well, everything.

So even though they both have moved on and are now happy apart, I’m still somewhat saddened at recalling the memory I still have…

Which is why I’ve decided to write about it.

It feels good remembering them together. So perfect!

And while I didn’t know them all that well, I did see them at church several times a week, and at monthly dinner parties at the monthly, couples dinners.

And yes, I know it is not right to place anyone, or any couple, on a pedestal. I’m just sharing my memories here. ☺️

Part 2<<<
member a good friends husband once telling me, or perhaps warning me… to not think so highly about his wife, because she will let me down eventually. And that we are all imperfect humans, constantly letting one another down. I remember how depressing that sounded tone at the time. As I've grown up, I realize how true that statement really is.

As stated, I was never all that close to the pastor and his doe eyed wife, but I had always wondered what their magic antidote was for sustaining a marriage that clearly remained in the honeymoon stage.

Was it because they both worked a lot and so that the time that they did spend together was valued.

That's what I've always thought, up until now.

Part 3<<<
etimes I think about arranged marriages and how they choose to love someone.

Naturally, they do not marry for love. Like most of the population.

I once knew someone who had an arranged marriage. It really fascinated me because that would have never been something I myself, could have ever partook in.

I always enjoyed lengthy conversations with her on the phone telling me how love should be a choice, not a feeling. That the feeling part was called lust.<<<
the choosing to love your spouse, was much like our love for Christ.

It was a beautiful thought..

I remember asking her about sexual relations. Yes, We had a very open conversation one evening. *blush*

Does this mean that love and sex are two separate things, I recall asking her opinions on.

Is this why so many couples cheat, yet still claim to love their spouse, because sex has nothing to do with love. And vise Versa.

And the answer was, from the religious stand point, No.

But for the rest of the population, Yes, that is precisely what it means.

People have sex all the time that are not in love. We all know this.

Then there are people that love each other, but don't have sex. She shared.

It’s an interesting topic, non the less. < em>Conclusion:o even though this former couple are both very happy with their new lives I will always remember the fire in their eyes when they looked at one another.

Because In my personal opinion, it was, and is the definition of a very special kind on love.

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#11 Mid life crisis’ 

I hear everyone tends to go through a mid life crisis’ between ages 40-50 years of age.

Men generally complain about the their wives during the metapause process too. One of the same perhaps? 

Both men and women have a certain period in their life when they feel just meh, for lack of better wording. Unhappy. Discontent. Bored. 
But if we all know this, and it seems that everyone goes through a spurt of discontent in their lives; mainly upon reaching middle age… why not start praying for God to intervene years prior. This would be so helpful!

It’s so important to teach this to newly married couples. Start praying now! 

It may sound selfish, but I almost feel it’s unfair to complain about your unhappiness.

I say this now because I’m past it. 

I was terribly discontent a decade ago, but was not middle age at all. 

I was unhappy because my life got uprooted and placed in a pile of, dare I say, sh*t?

A rose bush uprooted and placed in a field of daisies would never be happy. Would it?

Unless that rose was actually meant to be a daisy..

But never mind about that. 😉

I am talking about middle age ruts.And what people can do to remove themselves from them..

I don’t think it’s enevitable. I think we do have some control over it.

I still don’t believe we can choose to be happy, it we are miserable. But we can start praying while we are content and happy for our futures. 

It always feels like the most praying goes on when you are not happy. 

But if we start teaching to pray just as consistent when we are happy…

Anyways, this is something I have started teaching my children. 

Bloom where you are planted. 

Gosh! I wish someone would have taught me this years ago….

Hotel Stays

The best part of staying in a hotel is waking before anyone else, showering, packing, and then realizing that you can go back to bed if you want…
You don’t need to gather laundry, or tidy up, or even make the bed of you don’t want to.

You can simply, enjoy yourself!


Now there was a time when I found tidying up fun. About a decade ago. 

But as you get older you appreciate the luxury of having someone clean up after you. Like a child. I guess?! 😉
Not that I’m a particularly messy person. I had a cup of coffee this morning and didn’t leave the cup on the nightstand. I tossed it in the trash! But I could have left the cup on the nightstand. If I wanted too. 

A picture of the messy room from bed. 😉

I think there comes a time in a mothers life where her idea of a ‘good time‘ is doing nothing. Nada!

Sometimes NOTHING, is the best feeling in the world. Am I wrong?! 



There are times when dh wants to go to the movies, out for dinner, or just out for coffee and treats… and if we are ALREADY out and about, then by all means… let’s do it!



But if we are already at home. Cozy. In my yoga pants, then the last thing I want to do is get up to do my hair and makeup. Then get suitable clothing on and leave my house. 

I mean, we have Netflix and delivery nowadays. 🤣
Sometimes I think this mamas mind frame is only for mothers of many

Not that I consider my five kids MANY…

 I know my friends with 7+ kids are probably rolling their eyes at me… 
 

~Can anyone relate to this?

My text to DH

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What aI meant to ask him was,

“Do you want to eat and go swimming beforehand, or after we drop them off.

because they’d (the kids) would like to go swimming too.”

 

The kids have VBS tonight. So we were going to squeeze in a trip to the pool.

But…

I was distracted by the kids talking to me and trying to show me something in the middle of texting him. 😂

Afternoon date ;)

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We have been trying to visit all the coffee shops in the city.

This afternoon we tried West End Coffeehouse , in Winston Salem, NC.

Prices were reasonable. $4 per Latte’ Opposed to Starbucks, $5.25 Lattes.

They also serve wine and gelato.

They had the best quality coffee syrups.

The 1883 brand. And close to fifty different flavors, at that.
DH got the usual. A white chocolate mocha. Which he slurped down before I was able to snap a picture.

I got the sugar-free Latte’ Breve. Mmm!

Date Night

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I was trying so hard to fast from sweets and coffee this month, but then my husband took me out…

Above is a ‘Mammoth Coffee’

Very much like the ever popular Bulletproof coffees.

They sell them at Whloe Foods.

 

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And here we have a Reeses Peanut Butter Cake.

Organically made.

Does this mean it’s healthy?

I had about six bites. 😐

 

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I added cream and stevia, not realizing that it’s not the traditional way of drinking this beverage. Which is anaquired taste.

The 5 Love Languages

 

I am sure every one has read this book at one time or another. I was talking about it recently with dh and a friend, which led me to writing this post. I think it is very  important for us to know what our spouses, friends, and children’s love languages are. It really is helpful in a relationship to know.

For example: If a friend who is going through a hard time, who’s love language is, Words of Affirmation, and I send a gift, the gift can be real nice, but really is not going to do much for the friend.

Same goes for a friend who’s love language is Receiving Gifts.

If I try to console them with a hug, or offer to clean their house, these things may be sweet gestures, but will not actually be helpful for the  friend in need.

What are the 5 Love languages?
1.Words of Affirmation-
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important.

2.Quality Time-
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention.

3.Receiving Gifts-
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.

4.Acts of Service-
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes.

5.Physical Touch-
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy.
For more detailed info, click here.

I went ahead and took the online quiz.  Because no one knows what their love language is, better then themselves.

I took a guess before I even took the quiz. And I was right on!

That said,

I think it is equally important to know what “other peoples” love languages are. Especially those close to you. ❤️

For example:

My mother NEEDS me to remember every single holiday. A gift, and a  card, show her I love her, and am thinking about her. If I forget even once, she feels regected. She also needs Words of Affirmation occasionally.  Therefore, she falls under #1, but mostly #3.

My father NEEDS me to tell him how important & fearless he is to me, and how much I admire him. He is not afraid of anything! And likes for me to remember that!

Which I do. He falls under #1 all the way!

At times, I still like to send him a gift, as I do my mother, but it is usually not very important to him.
I have come to realize in relationships in general,  If you are not getting the love language that you so desire, it is often times hard to give your friends and family the love languages that they  really need. It falls under mis-communication I suppose. Or maybe the whole, men are from mars, women are from venus.

Regardless.. The ultimate key is, Be Sincere! :o)

 

And for any one who does not  know what their love language is..You can go here, and take the quiz.  It really is that easy!

Somebody elses life….


Do you ever feel like you are living somebody elses life?

It’s a mind trip. Your life seems to evolve into something that you did not see coming. For me, allot has to do with our move down here.

I have no idea what I thought my life was going to resemble. But I do know that it is not at all what I imagined. Being the only girl in the family, I was pretty spoiled. This could have been the problem. I do not recall ever wanting something that I didn’t get. Maybe this made me a brat. I try not to always shift the blame on the upbringing, but sometimes it is hard not too.

I rebelled  terribly as a teen. This is why I moved out of the house right before my 16th birthday.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever guessed I’d end up living a country girl life style. In fact, the relationship that I was in BEFORE  I met  my husband was ended because  he (my bf) told me that he wanted to buy a farm, have lots of animals, hunt, and collect guns for the fun of it. 😱

Not at all what I wanted for myself, so the guy married my best friend!   *G*

I was a  pretty die hard liberal at the time.  I also thought that unless you were an officer, you had no bussiness even owning a gun.

 

It’s so hard to move from state to state.  Do I really want to do this the rest of my life? I have done it most my life. I was born in Florida. Then I moved to Arizona for 5 years. Then I moved back to Florida, and then to Connecticut.

Then went back to Florida when I was 15,back to Connecticut when I was 17, back to Florida when I was 21, then back to Connecticut when I was 22…And then I met my husband. Makes my head spin! We married within a few months after meeting. Yikes!

Then we moved up to  Massachusetts because it was cheaper to live. Then after size years, we moved down here. (North Carolina)

So you see, I REALLY do want to lay down some roots and stay put some place..I do!!

But Where??